Well, if you’re gonna smuggle gold out of the Canadian Mint, the butt is the way to go.
On a side note, the Canadian Ocean’s Eleven/Le Onze de l’Océan is as awful as it sounds.
I’m surprised it hasn’t come out yet that the judge is Justice Peter Doody.
Also worth noting is that CBC radio reported the story with the Goldfinger theme song by Shirley Bassey playing.
Holy shit, you’re not kidding! The Onion would never make this up on account of how over the top and try-hard it would seem.
“other duties as required”
I believe in wearing many hats at a job. I just draw the line at ass hats.
This guy thinks his shit is gold.
. . . Oh.
And I thought I was the only one with solid gold farts.
Its from an Au version of The Onion.
I would play it out like this: “I only put things up my ass that I own. So if you want me to shove a puck of gold up there, you have to give it to me first.”
Is this connected to
A mint employee was directed to attempt to recreate the feat, lubricating an identical puck and inserting it into their anus
after which the employee was only nearmint.
Later, at the ER. “Well, as part of my job in security…”
Hilarious! Somehow the joke is better if it takes me a second to get it, which is what happened here.
Is that AU or Au?
Yes. 
Asked by reporters how they determined how much the culprit had stolen, the Head of Mint Security explained, “We worked it out with a pencil.”
