Read the new official explanation for Palpatine's return in Star Wars

kristen wiig gtfo GIF

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tl;dr - Disney still can’t make sense of, or any decent excuses for, JJ Abrams’ terrible writing.
#Johnson’sWasBetterThanAbrams’

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Ahem. Ming the Merciless was there before any of them.

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If you need a wiki page, a squad of writers, and a few years to explain wtf was going on in your story…

You told a crap story.

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…yeah sure. I get it.

200w

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Lucas himself laid the foundation for this one, go back to the canon - virgin birth, midichlorians, resurrection, mischief managed.

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Star Wars Sucks.

There, I said it.

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His mind was saved on two hundred thousand feet of data banks!

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29mm9q

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My theory is there are a bunch of “Galaxies far far away” and the Star Wars one specializes in arms production. They do this to such scale that it isn’t noteworthy that there are a few unaccounted clone armies, start destroyers, and death stars lying around. Unfortunately the galaxies focus on arms production has horrible impacts on the health of the democracy since the arms industry is in deep with the government. You never hear about the other galaxies since the Star Wars folks are terribly self-centered and jingoistic.

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The official explanation? JJ Abrams is physically incapable of having an original idea.

“Hey JJ, you’re doing Star Trek! Who’s going to your first villain?”
“Who was the villain in the last movie? Yeah, we’ll just do that again”
“Er, OK”

“Hey JJ, you’re doing another Star Trek movie, who’s your villain?”
“KAHN!!!”
“No, see, we already did a Kahn movie. Now here’s a whole bunch of episodes from TOS, you can use any-”
“KAHN!!!”
“No, seriously JJ. You have a lot to choose from. There’s-”
“KAHN!!!”

“Oh, hey JJ. We’re bringing you back to finish of Star Wars. We’ve got this great villain in Ben Solo, who’s got a good, deep charact-”
“Who was the villain in the original films?”
“Uhm. Palpatine.”
“PALPATINE!!!”
“No, JJ. He’s dead. We’ve moved on. He is no more. He is an ex-villain.”
“PALPATINE!!!”
" Are we… are we actually paying this guy? I could do this…"

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I’ll be honest; that geeky twist about Zola’s consciousness being ported to a 1970s supercomputer was probably my favorite part of Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

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Palpatine? Alive? Whaaaaat?

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Still some pretty big inconsistencies surrounding that though. In Iron Man 2 they made a big deal about the arc reactor slowly poisoning him, and when it was used to power the suit (as opposed to just keeping him alive) it poisoned him faster. Yet in that very same movie Rhodes uses Stark’s older prototype suit, which apparently included a self-contained reactor. So it would make no sense for Stark to use his personal reactor to power the suit at all if he already had another system built that wouldn’t cause him to be poisoned so quickly . But whatever. By the last couple movies the “suits” were 100% magic nanoparticles and they didn’t even try to explain how they worked or were powered anymore.

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Of course, Palpatine is so clever, he thought ahead managed to create a relatively foolproof backup system for himself, just in case. And then squanders it by not thinking through the implications of trying to fry a powerful henchman’s son right in front of him.

So, back to square one, and he’s got yet-another foolproof plan to, uh, take over the body of a really cute young woman? I guess? Oh, and have an entire fleet of freaking Death Stars so a few pesky heroes can’t screw with his plans for domination.

Anyhow, this time he squanders it by sending out a galaxy-wide “I’m back, bitches!” message giving his enemies a head’s up so they can find the dagger he gave his absent-minded minion with instructions on how to find the doohickey that leads them to his secret planet where his fleet is still lying defenseless because… reasons.

Seriously, you either have to be fantastic at long term planning or you have poor impulse control. Not both. Pick a lane.

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Because it was grafted to the inside of his chest cavity up until that point. Afterward, it’s worn outside the body. But yes, magic nanotech particles is the plot device they went with–and if we’re going to allow Thor’s hammer to exist, we kind of have to let that slide, too.

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If the version of Palpatine we see in Rise of Skywalker is a clone body then why is his face still messed up from the injuries he sustained in Revenge of the Sith? Did he blast himself in the face with Force Lighting again just for kicks?

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He was just so committed to the brand. :slight_smile:

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Yep, would have been perfect. Even as someone who generally liked the sequels, this felt dumb.

I’m willing to allow that Samuel L. Jackson could blast you so hard that all of your clones would have messed up faces.

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