Realistic Starfleet meetings

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/07/24/realistic-starfleet-meetings.html

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“The Imperial Revenue Service is asking if we can postpone destroying Alderaan until after the current galactic tax season is over. The Budget Oversight Council is telling us that we should destroy it immediately and claim the loss to our creditors before the beginning of the next galactic fiscal year. Marketing says this is a terrible proposal and they would all quit in protest if they weren’t afraid of being force strangled by Lord Vader. Bob from Facilities is asking if his shore leave to Alderaan is still valid for the weekend.”

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“Our Environmental Impact Analysis indicates that we should proceed.”

“Really?!”

“Yes. If there is no longer any environment, there is no environmental damage.”

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My favorite take on the topic is the Gettysburg Address as a PowerPoint presentation:

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Stop trying to ruin utopia… Powerpoint is one of those barbaric practices that starfleet left behind.

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Imagine Tufte’s head in a jar giving out about shitty data visualization.

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Oh man these pics BUM ME OUT. :signal_strength::weary:

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These are the briefings, of the StarFleet PowerPoint.
Its 5 hour mission statement: To use strange new fonts,
To recap old slides, and older presentations.
To go bold ly where others have gone Previous Slide

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Which brings up the real reason the Empire fell: too many fucking Agile project sprints and not enough contractors.

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There… are four… bulletpoints!

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I detect insufficient ass-covering and obfuscation. And military policy is always bound by what are known as The Last Seven Words In The Army: We never did it like THAT before! Novelty and imagination are always punished. Stick to The Book and your career is assured. Deviate at your own risk.

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Modern militaries retain obsolete rituals – standing in formation dates from when head-counts determined how the colonel got paid – so don’t expect Powerpoint to ever fade away.

A ‘realistic’ Starfleet meeting, like any IRL military confab, will be boring. Not ready for prime time. It needs to be tarted up. Maybe mind-controlling aliens will force human staff to disrobe, only saved by a science officer’s dramatic hand-waving efforts.

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Some of those are straight out of the NSA playbook, or more specifically their presentation on PRISM. Appalling PowerPoint may be one of the lessor horrors the NSA has inflicted on the world, but they still raise it to industrial-military complex levels of shit.

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Maquis Dynamics one has the same shape as this one.

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Modern militaries retain obsolete ritual

Here is your mistake Starfleet isn’t a military organization. Some of the personal have access and training for military operations but it’s clear that many never people do not.

Standing armies are another one of those barbaric practices that have been left behind.

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Wikipedia says:

Sounds pretty damn military to me.

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