Regal promises security-theater bag-searches in America's largest cinema chain

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Promises? They’re already doing this. My bag got a searched (not very thoroughly, admittedly - just a brief glance inside) on the way in to a showing at the Seattle Regal earlier this week.


You can probably still get around these searches with concealed compartments in bags. They even make handbags for women who want to conceal carry a gun.

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I don’t think they’re searching for weapons. I think they’re searching for contraband such as reasonably priced food and drink.


I don’t think they’ve thought this through.

I mean how is a bag check supposed to slow down a madman with an assault rifle? They’re not spies, they’re desperate and mentally unhinged - they’ll gun you down with the rest of them.


Gotta protect our children from unauthorized chocolate bars! Suppose someone brought a candy bar in from some place where a storekeeper decided to poison everything? Then what? Hmmmm?


It’s common here to get bag checked at gigs - I carry a penknife of some sort everywhere I go, and make no effort to hide it. No-one’s ever found it.

I have a feeling that my unthreatening, youthful, whiteness is a factor in the vigorousness of their search though - I’m sure when their biases kick in they check every nook and cranny.


Forget special bags, my computer bag and the bag i take to cons has like 2375 little pockets for shit.

This is why you should always, always carry a great big dildo in your bag.


Well, one reason…


It’s not meant to make people safer – it’s meant to make people think they’re safer.


I haven’t been to a theater in I don’t know how long. It is not because I am scared.

Most of the experience is a buffet in discomfort while paying for those opportunities with multiple twenty dollar bills.

Channeling my last experience:

The person behind me has their Reeboks jammed into the back of my upper-crackel support area of this “chair”, and the gentleman in front of me is not taking off his baseball cap but has had the generosity of spirit to turn it 180 degrees so that he won’t miss the lasers and explosions. Thank god I have to pee.


This just hastens the death of a dying industry. The movie theater experience is generally crappy already and this would certainly ensure I’d never visit a theater again if it became common practice. $12-$15 to see a movie once, in a theater with loud, obnoxious viewers intent on shoving genetically modified corn product into their pie holes while texting with the other hand and yammering about the plot will only be made more enjoyable by having some minimum wage high school punk paw through my possessions beforehand, right?


Others said it already. The measure will be more about preventing the ingress of consumables that are not from the super-priced sub-par choice-limited theatre-associated vendor than about security. Economical terrorism with pointless “security” measures. Kind of like the liquids bans on the airports.


Or a cactus.

Not sure why the audio cuts out :o(

The first time I went to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show there were two cops at the front frisking people. Toilet paper, squirt guns, toast, and rice were allowed in–beer and weapons were the only contraband.

What really made it special, though, was inside the theater when a guy got up in front of the audience and yelled, “How many people got a pat down on the way in?” Everyone cheered. Then he yelled, “How many went back for another?”


You can bring in all the reasonably priced food and drink you want, so long as no single container is larger than 3.4oz and you can fit it all in one quart-sized Freedom Baggie.


…I am getting an idea about silkscreening or other marking of such security paraphernalia…

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Oh, I didn’t invent the term. It’s been tossed around by fellow TSA-haters for years.

From 2006:

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I thought along exactly these lines.

With a bit more professional-looking designs, made less as a direct statement and more as how a real branded trademarked dystopian goods would look. Something that could pass as a real deal.