Sean Parker defends elf wedding. Now in Quenya

Today, wealthy fellow Sean Parker wrote an enormous response to critics of his idyllic Tolkienesque wedding, which was held recently amid the giant redwoods of Califonia. While his defense has merits, its magniloquent excess echoes his critics rather too well. Why, you may even read the whole thing in the original Quenya. [via @choire] READ THE REST

Christ, what a douche canoe.


I liked Maciej Ceglowski’s idea


Correction: Tengwar, not Quenya. (i.e. the script, not the language)

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Where was Sean Parker a couple of years ago when many of California’s state parks were facing closure thanks to Schwartzeneggar’s austerity program? The sense of entitlement people like him have to use tax payers’ money to stage a wedding and then to have the hubris to set the stage by altering the landscape…for the rest of us the rules are to not remove anything or change the natural environment while visiting. It is mind blowing.

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This translation(?) of Parker’s LMAO TLDR LOL article is burn salve for the holier-than-thou douchesmirkers who piled on to the original story and now have a really long way to row back.

PS: I’m new here, and just read in the house rules that you aren’t allowed to ‘victim blame’ on this forum. Perhaps something to remember, guys, Re: Sean.


There does seem to be an awful lot of ressentiment being hung on a fairly flimsy ecological peg. Spending huge amounts of one’s own money in the most frivolous way possible is not a sin, folks.


I do think its a sin to waste money the way he has frankly. Think of what that $4.5 million could’ve done for so many who are hungry, or in need of medical care. Its wasteful, not to mention that he actually left quite a bit of ecological damage to a sensitive ecosystem.

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I want to automatically discount any argument that is basically “Well other people took bigger shits on the rug than I did.”

So fucking what?

He gave $1.5M to an eco-charity after eco-organisation shook him down for $1M fines for having a wedding in tarmac’ed areas out the back of some hotel. I don’t think there was even any eco-damage caused by his wedding.

But this is all in the article, if you can read elvish.


So did everyone read the reply, or just react once again to the incorrect media reports? He held the wedding in an already developed area at a fancy hotel, and there was apparently careful to not cause any additional impact. If your objection is just that he’s rich and you don’t like the way he spends his money, then be honest and go picket a Rolls Royce dealership or a yacht manufacturer.

Seems to me that people just wanted to spit in a guy’s face and try and ruin his and his wife’s wedding memories because he has too much money. Nice.


That argument applies to everything anyone spends money on that isn’t flavorless gruel or burlap with which to fashion primitive garments.

But the fact of the matter is that he spent that money, putting it back into circulation. They didn’t rake up a big pile of $1,000 bills and set them on fire; all that money paid caterers and landscapers and trained little people to dance around 16" replicas of Stonehenge. Do you think that 10-story tall trout destroying armored mecha grow on trees? No! Many good people in Tochigi prefecture spent many, many hours of hard work to calibrate the array of phased plasma cannon to be able to accurately target steelhead (slippery little buggers that they are), and they were all paid for their labor, allowing each and every one of them to get their tiny, malformed children the operations they needed to reach adolescence.

What do you have against crippled Japanese children? Sheesh.


Yes, its true, I hate crippled Japanese kids :O. I guess you have a point that at least the money paid some salaries or whatever. I’m just disgusted that so much effort goes into such worthless crap. I was just reading a great piece on how “GDP” is such a terrible way to measure the health of a national economy, because it includes economic activity that is harmful and just plain useless. How many jobs in the world are actually useful?

Too long, didn’t read

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What’s the point of republishing the post transliterated into Tengwar? It’s still English, just rendered in a different typeface. I think the institution of language deserves a little more respect than that.

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It’s just a sight gag, a clever wisecrack.

This is a cogent description of how somebody tries to do something nice for himself and his loved ones, accidentally puts his foot into somebody else’s shitpile, goes out of his way to clean up the situation rather than running away from it, and gets stomped on publicly for his trouble. These things happen, but I welcome Mr. Parker’s elucidation.

To a point. The later parts of this article go entirely off the rails. All of a sudden it’s about defending the state of the world. Stick to the facts, sir.


Oh my goodness, is that the truth. I just kept scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling… there’s no way I’m going to read all that, so so I can read some rich guy rationalizing the bajillion dollars he spent on his wedding!

If he’s telling the truth about the wedding taking place in a campground with asphalt camper pads I don’t really see a problem with it. Still, I think a wedding should be about the commitment people are making and not about extravagant spending, and I’m more a fan of the decent but inexpensive banquet hall wedding.

Agreed. He could have made his legit defense way shorter and with less crying on about it.