Smart mattress alerts you when your spouse cheats on you


#1

[Read the post]


#2

It’s too bad you could never say, lie about what happened. Like the kids jumping on the bed or you having to chase a bird around the room.

I’d use that money to hire a PI instead, it’d be a lot cheaper and there’d be photos!


#3

And what if they are cheating on the kitchen counter instead of the bedroom?


#4

Well, obviously you’d scatter these mattresses throughout the house.


#5

A prime example of how to achieve something in the most expensive possible way. Former military contractor? How about this solution if you really need this particular “service”. An app for the old smartphone you have lying around that uses it’s accelerometer. Stash it between the mattress & boxspring and check it when the coast is clear.

But if this is something you’re desperate for, either you already know something’s up, or you’re a paranoid freak. Either way the relationship is doomed.


#6

Or in the car, or on the floor?

Or in a box, or while wearing socks?


#7

They should call it the “Tempur-Tantric Matress”.


#8

I’d be curious to know if there are any applications(seems like something a sleep study might be interested in, and once you have all the electrodes and the tech and so on, the marginal cost just wouldn’t seem so scary) that actually require the higher resolution accellerometer coverage; and this hoax and/or speculative attempt at cash in is using those in order to avoid having to do any real integration of their own or risk having a ‘product’ that looks like it was bodged together out of scrap parts; because it was.


#9

< runs off to trademark “Smounter Tops” >


#10

Or, the simpler approach might be to not profess to monogamous relationships, if that’s not what you do. People make things ridiculously complicated.


#11

phone broken = adultery? and cracked only in less serious cases?


#12


#13

There are a few trackers out there that already do this - Eight and Beddit, for example, offer hardware sensors to track sleep. They don’t mention monitoring sexual activity, but I would guess it would be trivial to add those features.

Once you’ve got the senors and the monitoring software, it would also be possible to create some very interesting IFTTT recipes; trigger some mood music, ordering a post-coital pizza, resupply of condoms after x number of romps…


#14

No. A smart mattress knows when to keep its mouth shut.


#15

a Goldberg-esque contraption pressing the condom Dash button


#16


#17

…but memory foam never forgets!


#18

How about adding a nano-sized clamping mechanism to a Fitbit, jam it into a bit of cheese and Bob’s your uncle?


#19

Speaking of memory foam, I recently bought a cheapo memory foam mattress, and have been mulling over slicing some channels in it and outfitting it with refrigerant tubes.

I still have some kit left over from when I built a dry ice based “air conditioner”. Dry ice goes in a cooler outside, and I ran copper tubing into the house and in front of a fan, with an inline aquarium pump moving antifreeze.


#20

So you made your bed, and now you can’t lie in it?