Some male spiders tie up females before sex so they don't get eaten alive

It’s just Mother-f*****g Nature.

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I feel this. I think it is important to not fall into what could be called the “jordon peterson” trap. We are not lobsters or bonobos or ducks. And importantly they are not us e.g. ducks aren’t raped when they have sex. Spiders are so far divorced from anything human that calling what they do something so human as murder or rape does a disservice to ethology and has the potential to do great harm to movements fighting for the end of things like murder and sexual violence.


Do you want to know about the details of bedbug intimacy?
Probably not.

Ornithologists are some of the worse for anthropomorphizing their subjects

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We have big brains and overcomplicate things. For almost all organisms sex is a very simple, serious matter: Maximize the number of your descendants.

I can’t remember who first said this:

“You should never anthropomorphize animals. They hate that.”


I think it was Gerald.


I’ wrote a song called “Scraping for a Sound” about homicidal spider mating rituals, a seductive Venus flytrap and her inexperienced victims and a scary scrap collector building seductive drum kits (or so he believes). This is the first verse. (See the article on the Venus flytrap for the second one… Spamming not spamming.)

A macho spider weaves his web between my chestnut trees
A masterpiece of engineering, softly buzzing in the breeze
His job is done. He longs to have a lady friend on board
Hits the strings of his new web to sound a major chord
It is a noise beyond the range of normal human hearing
But lady spiders as a rule consider it endearing
Too bad for him, black widows are notoriously fickle
Spider-Man may lose his head and end up in a pickle

Nope. Not going back to tinder.

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Yeesh, sounds like the dating scene in my city.

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