Startup aims to sell a brain implant to improve memory


#1

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2016/08/19/startup-aims-to-sell-a-brain-i.html


#2

Beginning scan.

Warning: Implant detected.

Scanning dyslexia prosthesis implant.

Government approved.

Warning: Detected synaptic seepage.

http://www.subzin.com/quotes/M1282877de/Johnny+Mnemonic/Scanning+dyslexia+prosthesis+implant.


#3

We’re testing it in humans now…

Absolutely horrifying! Even assuming they didn’t just do surgery with a butter knife, do they have the slightest clue of the possible side effects? It turns out the brain is fairly complex, you know.


#4


#5

I actually just watched that (again) the other night.

In other news: Um? This seems… far fetched?


#6

There’s an English word I can’t… um…www…uh…wa?

…nope, I can’t quite get it.


#7

how about just drilling holes in people’s skulls. I hear that works!


#8

Memory? Sure, there’s a market for that, but boners or something that takes the place of good diet or exercise are where the money is. One that makes boobs bigger or noses smaller would do well, too.

[quote=“Boundegar, post:3, topic:83748”]
Absolutely horrifying! Even assuming they didn’t just do surgery with a butter knife, do they have the slightest clue of the possible side effects?[/quote]
Sure, it’s horrifying, but people will forget that eventually. I assume for the irony.

If it’s so complex, how come any moron can use one?


#9

Woah!

I just finished reading ®evolution by PJ Manny and cant believe they are already testing this kinda thing in humans.

Save yourself some time and read Warren Ellis’s Normal instead.


#10

This isn’t real disruptive innovation until they find a way to make continued access to the memories a subscription service; and enhance past consumer experience with curated advertorial content.

C’mon, guys. Do they not teach you this stuff anymore?


#11

…But not scarier than BOtulism TOXin and people seem to have become comfortable enough with that…


#12

Dude, you don’t put Botox in your brain! What if you switched to a different reality and then you can’t be sure which one was real?


#13

I think this is cool… Boosting the signal strength of the stuff being written to memory so that it can be remembered more clearly.

But it’s not quite what I’m waiting for (being able to store memories digitally and externally).


#14

Upload your memory to the cloud, and you’ll never forget your keys again! (Nor will you forget which brand of detergent always works best, always, always the best detergent, remember? Remember?)

…until our servers go down, reducing you to a gibbering neuronal slop.

That’s HeadInTHEcloud™!


#15

They could really mess with their customers by greeting each new person who walked in the clinic with “Welcome back! How has the memory implant been working?”


#16

Right?!
Know how bad the IOT is about long-term support and security?
It’s like having all those problems in your head.


#17

And later, they can take that even further.

“So, let’s start off with your post-operation questionnaire. First, how is your local sports team doing?”

“I don’t know exactly which sports team you’re referring to.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think you heard me. How is your local sports team doing?”

blink blink blink “Um, I’m…”

“Perfect!” writing furiously and mumbling “Trigger word implantation successful.”


#18

There is no cloud, it’s just someone else’s hippocampus.


#19

If they can implant a brain in my head, I’m sure it will improve my memory.


#20

Okay, I remember thinking exactly the same about laser eye surgery. It might be right, but give it 30 years for the people with more money than sense to provide the statistical backup. If you are over 60 too, whelp, we’re both boned.