“Schierbaum said … arguments are the leading cause of the homicides his department has investigated in 2022.”
Apparently an armed society isn’t a polite society after all, unless you consider it the height of politeness to unholster your piece and perforate someone’s spleen with chunks of fast-moving metal because they messed up your condiment choices.
Coming soon to every state in the Union courtesy of the Supreme Court.
I’d have thought a “seriously, why are there only 4 slices of olive on a footlong?” altercation would have happened long before one over mayonnaise quantity. 
People are nuts. It seems like there are lots of altercations between customers and employees at fast food places. People climbing through the drive thru window over a McNuggets dispute, others throwing napkin dispensers at workers due to a refund dispute, etc. Makes me sick.
Conservatives: BuT hIS RIgHtS WeRE iN DAngUr fr0m tHA libRuuL elit3s. it Was ThE viDyA gaemS fau1T anyWays
while i would not draw on a sandwich maker for the condiment atrocity, i will say any mayonnaise is too much for my taste [shudder].
i’m with @pesco , keep the devil’s spunk in the jar clearly labeled HELLman’s!
Man, is that shit ever well-regulated!
I really hate when my sammiches are slathered in mayo when i specifically ask for no mayo or light on the mayo. Obviously someone died and this is not a joking matter, what a pointless act of violence.
When I was just a baby / my mama told me, “Son,”
Just always go to Cousin’s / they’ve got much nicer buns."
But I shot a man in Subway / he got my sandwich wrong.
I hope that Johnny’s lawyers / don’t sue me for this song."
A man shot two women over mayo. And this is the reality of gun violence - not the nefarious assassin plotting ways to do in a given target, but some irrational asshole giving vent to his anger and hatred with what’s at hand in the moment. This is what makes me so angry when people try to pretend that carrying guns doesn’t change the dynamics of violence. What was he going to do without a gun - beat two people to death with a fucking sandwich?
Honestly, restaurants (and service positions) in general. But you’re a lot less likely to hear about rich assholes flipping out in fancy restaurants because a) it’s more frequently covered up, and b) the enormous difference in how many of each type of restaurant exist…
I like mayo, personally. We make our own and mix it with that delicious hot oil I know you know about. Amazing.
Anyway, personal tastes aside, it does appear to be the leading condimental cause of homicide:
Unless I’m missing something. I know people feel really strongly about ketchup, too, but haven’t heard of any murders around it…
just don’t put it on a hot dog, for dog’s sake!
That’s really only a cause of violence in Chicago, though.
It’s a good thing we have Justice Alito and SCOTUS to clarify for us that the 2nd amendment protects American’s right to bear arms in order to defend themselves from excessive mayonnaise, including outside of the home.
The murderer needs to be served too much mayonnaise on every meal every day for the rest of his life in prison.
i do and i am intrigued. chili-garlic aoli might work. (and i know aioli is just fancy pants mayo, don’t @ me for my hypocrisy)
see! gun control doesn’t work! chicago is totally gone wild with criminals and their guns!
GIANT /S
This person’s story will surely follow them to jail and given the horrendous stories of much, much worse prisoner abuse that come out of the US penal system, jail staff slathering this inmate’s food in mayo seems very likely.
I have to wonder what sort of behavioral history the perpetrator had. I wouldn’t bet on it being enough to be usefully predictive(even if one is philosophically onboard with getting heavily into precrime sci-fi dystopia stuff); but I also can’t imagine that someone sufficiently volatile and/or indifferent to others, and either so profoundly weak at forward thinking to be undeterred by obvious consequences could possibly have played well with others up until now.
Obviously vastly less dangerous if unarmed; but the idea that they’ve kept an even keel in the past exceeds plausibility by some orders of magnitude.
Related…we had a Church’s Chicken employee murdered in Chula Vista, CA at the beginning of the pandemic because they wouldn’t accept a $100 bill as payment. 
