Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2024/05/31/the-answer-to-space-junk-is-space-lasers.html
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You need someone to get the spacejunk into bags first.
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Also, we need it so every satellite has an end of life plan to re-enter the atmosphere.
Someone smarter than me could figure it out, but how much energy would it take on average to nudge a satilite into a decaying orbit? Something like one of those large Estes rocket engines? A solid fuel rocket like that would be pretty reliable to use at end of life. For those with boosters on board to correct orbits, they could make sure so the last boost would stop make it reenter the atmosphere.
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Devo knew about this problem long ago:
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It takes less Delta-V to boost a satellite to a higher graveyard orbit. Similarly it is easier to launch a probe towards Pluto than it is to launch a similarly-sized probe to the sun.
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I’m not suggesting to the sun, but to re-enter the atmosphere.
Though color me surprised its harder to launch something into the sun than Pluto. You would think the gravity of the sun would do most of the work.
It takes more delta-V to force a satellite back to earth than to boost it into a graveyard orbit. While in orbit the centripetal force is in balance with the gravitational pull of the earth. In the absence of atmospheric friction an object in orbit would stay that way forever unless acted upon by another external force.
Same rules apply to a sun-satellite system.
Here’s a handy graphic.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/93/Solar_system_delta_v_map.svg
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It works that way if you’re talking about raising or lowering the orbit as a whole. To get something to burn up though you really only need it to encounter the atmosphere for part of its orbit. Maybe you could boost it into something with a larger semimajor axis but much higher eccentricity. 
I think that would be a bit awkward cutting across the orbits of many other satellites. I was envisioning a manuever similar to what the space shuttle does, with a de-orbit burn that gets it down in 24 hours or so.
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I will admit that my plan to lift old satellites way up so they can come shooting down again as fast as possible may have some safety concerns.
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I feel like parking stuff in a graveyard orbit is going to kick the can down the road and could lead to other issues in the future. I also know space is huge so maybe it wouldn’t. At either rate, we should be doing one or the other.
Sounds good to me. Send MTG into orbit. Zap her with Jewish Space Lasers. One less piece of junk.
Wooden satellites designed to burn up on reentry without leaving harmful residue could be part of the solution.
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imagine… millions of tiny wooden splinters - toothpicks - traveling at 17,500mph, orbiting in LEO.
prickly!
With a low enough orbit and strong solar activity…
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