This thread is for discussing methods of cleaning your great-great-great grandmother’s second cousin’s sister’s cast iron pot that is claimed as being over 100 years old, but is actually three years old lodge that was purchased in secret because the original was not properly cleaned or re-seasoned.
Please try to keep it civil, and amusing.
May as well get started
Steel wool + bleach
Leave it out back and let the wolves take care it.
Repeat often.
ugh… doggy drool. gross. but effective cleaner, not unlike kitty drool. (which also is gross.)
Angle grinder and hydroflouric acid.
Kitties don’t drool, they sometimes emit liquid elegance from their mouth holes.
For cleaning, I know it’s kind of cliche, but I do like scouring them out with course salt sometimes. Very rewarding.
Melt down and recast.
Only way to truly clean it is toss it back into Mt Doom…
Throw some draino max in there and let it sit a while. Or put the whole thing in a bucket with lye and let it sit a while.
I really do soak the pans with water & dish soap for a bit, then scrub them out.
Cast iron pans are not delicate flowers.
I draw the line at using a dishwasher, however.
I’d like to introduce you to Bagherra, one of my fur kids. He has so many purrs in the purr bukkit that it overflows and drools out of his mouth. 
I love him anyway, the drooly stinky butt.
Sandblasting, but using a shotgun.
Wool wash setting and then tumble dry in a pillowcase with 2 rashers of fatty bacon.
Mix up 5 lbs of Kosher salt with 1 dozen egg whites from organic, free-range heirloom chickens.
Encase the pan in the salt mix. Don’t leave any gaps!
Gently nestle the encased pan in a blast furnace set to 1441 degrees F for 3 days (ideally over the new moon).
Let cool. Gingerly chip off the salt coat.
Rinse in warm water and scrub with soap.
Done!
Ask this guy…
I have a method- it involves the blood of a virgin (all of it, don’t be squeamish, they weren’t doing anything interesting with it anyway), Tim Curry”s petticoats, and a troupe of dancing toddlers rented from the local daycare. Message me for the full recipe.
Tie a bit of asbestos rope to the handle, gently lower into an active volcano, leave for 20mins, scrub. Repeat if necessary.
https://www.asbestossheet.com/asbestos-sheet/asbestos-rope.html
… You forgot the rubber chicken, and not one of those squeaky ones. 
