The Divorced Dad Cooking Show


I was stuck at my exwife’s house bored one day and there was a sad desiccated roaster chicken in the fridge that was clearly heading for the trash. So I killed an hour by making a nice pot of chicken noodle soup, and when my wife got home I promptly left and said "There’s a pot of chicken soup on the stove, and she said “Where’d that come from?” To which I replied “I made it,” in a tone that left the words “…you fucking idiot” hanging in the air unspoken. I lost a shocking amount of weight during that period, but I made sure she’d get her monthly check so she could throw groceries away and keep her new house stocked with deli food.


I suppose the tone in which that question is asked and answered is probably a good indicator of whether a particular couple is destined for splitsville.

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Whether or not somebody actually is a fucking idiot is also a salient point. She was telling the world I was abusing her because I would not come back unless she saw a psychiatrist. Some years later she did finally start seeing a therapist who has not impressed anyone, and she now takes various mood stabilizers, drinks too much, makes manipulative suicide threats, and was arrested once for general assholishness with the cops. Various people have urged her to do some in-patient hospital treatment but she refuses because it might jeopardize her security clearance (Yes she works for the NSA!!!). Like so many people of that type, she seems to lead a charmed life and is now probably worth about a million dollars plus has a huge pension.

She’s not a sad depressed person, she’s a low-functioning narcissist with borderline personality disorder traits, or vice versa. Either one is pretty toxic, and either one would have marked instability in their relationships.

Here’s all you need, pal:

Everything else is steak, chili, and bartender’s guides.

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“I suppose the tone in which that question is asked and answered is probably a good indicator of whether a particular couple is destined for splitsville.”

Pretty much, yes.

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I’m not saying that the split was unwarranted or that she’s not a nutcase (clearly I have no way of knowing).

All I’m saying is that if two people can’t have a simple exchange along the lines of “where did that soup come from? / I made it” without adding the unspoken “…you fucking idiot” then it probably just wasn’t meant to be, or at least wasn’t meant to continue. I hope you both find a more peaceful future.


My divorced father’s cooking usually consisted of either take-out or me making dinner.

“What’s for dinner?”
“What’s the matter, is your arm broken?”

Since I enjoyed cooking it all worked out. Now I think I’ll go cook me some dinner.

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Well we were already divorced by that time I believe, so what I said at that point or whether I was thinking bad thoughts was immaterial.

Facial expressions during marital conflict?

Yeah, I used to see this one a lot. Charlize Theron nails it! When someone with borderline traits wants a divorce, hide the firearms!

I assume the juxtaposition between this post and the “Sexism is over! If you want it” post is intentional.


Step 1 - Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
Step 2 - Goto 1


My own personal spin:

Step 1 - Put Waffle in toaster
Step 2 - Slather in hummus
Step 3 - Pretend I don’t get bored with it, even though I actually do love hummus and waffles.

Pretty much obligatory:


Damn I love equality… /s

If I were in that position again, I would have bought some of those big cheap tubs of ice cream because I clearly lacked calories and fat. Costco probably saved my life. I ate a lot of oatmeal.

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I see what you did there! :slight_smile:

I actually like Taco Bell hot sauce in my M&C instead of catsup. Lord knows they give you enough of those packets to last a year or two.

This channel only has 10 vids, but they are all great.