when I lived in Knoxville, the local “famous nut”–whom I had seen around without any interaction for many years–handed me a hand-written note in the gas station parking lot one day. It was seemingly specifically written to me personally, although it was very fractured and difficult to understand. It occupied a space of honor on my refrigerator for many years.[quote=“AcerPlatanoides, post:53, topic:92330”]
I find that the right company is electrifying, and the wrong company intoxicating. The latter exhausts me.
[/quote]
thisthisthis. I get overstimulated in crowds/noise/bright light. Which is weird, because I used to be a semi-pro DJ and went to clubs and rock shows all the time. To your point, I loved the community, but it exhausted me. I didn’t realize it, though. I thought being tired all the time was normal. Drinking and smoking weed numbed it but I didn’t understand that at the time, I just thought I was partying like everyone else (at least partially true.) I honestly think I would’ve been a better academic achiever if I had fucked myself up at school; being bombarded with all the people negated any learning I might have been receptive to. I had to take involuntary naps in class a lot.
Anyway, I’ve always identified as a weirdo notwithstanding that I’m a straight, white, American male. Growing up, I was the shy, sensitive guy. As I got more socially acclimated, I learned to discard some of that, at least outwardly. But even internally, I realized that I was also needlessly holding myself back.
I used to be an outlier in the way I dressed and cut/dyed my hair. Now, I suppose I’m more normal but only because I like the challenge of dressing well; I’ve been-there-done-that doing shocking things. That’s easy. Also, I’m old now.
I notice that at work, I am a lot more meticulous and process-oriented versus result-oriented than everyone else. I dislike the absence of professional rigor involved in the following statement, but I’m pretty sure the reason for my process-oriented viewpoint is because I’m on the autistic spectrum on some level, which @jsroberts helped me realize in[ a thread last year.] (A thread about autists) Making eye-contact has always been a forced thing, reserved for special or intimate moments, and only because it is expected of me. But now I don’t mind to do it when I feel the recipient is legitimate.
It is seemingly in vogue now, at least where I live, but I used to be the only person I knew that rode a bike everywhere. I still do, but I seldom go anywhere anymore : (
My speech switches from yankee to southern to academic to common and from white to ebonics within the same sentence mostly all the time. I just use le mot juste.
