This is sorta like Fuck Today, but for much more minor gripes and everyday annoyances that bother us all from time to time.
I often feel like a schmuck for wanting to bitch about petty stuff going on in my life, when other people are venting about their deathly ill relatives and other actual hardships.
So here’s a separate forum for all the not-so-detrimental crap that bugs the hell out of us…
Today, here’s what’s bugging me:
People who insist upon just standing there on both sides of the escalator during rush hour commute, when the left side is clearly supposed to be a pedestrian’s version of ‘the fast lane’
Having my job twitsplained to me by the office dingbat
People who make my job harder than it needs to be, by not doing theirs correctly
My child calling me while I’m at work in hysterics, over a minor ‘boo-boo’
Of the days annoyances, these:
Neighbour’s sodding yapping turd-dispensing dogs. Legit, I could chuck a pack of snags laced with Warfarin from my window and land it in their yard from here. Trouble is, there’s no guarantee they’d actually eat them and I might end up poisoning the dogs by mistake. I don’t want that, it ain’t the dogs fault.
Wretched craptop puking all over itself when faced with anything more than slightly difficult. Moved most of my daily stuff over to the ipad thingy which is sweeeeet, but I got some design stuff to do and Inkscape is being an utter prick about it. I think it’s jealous.
Brain. Godamned thing won’t let me get any peace. 
The Red Delicious apple still exists. And sells.
Mopeds.
PS: I like red delicious apples.
Ugh
People who slow down on approach to a just-turned yellow light while deciding whether to go through, thereby forcing the person behind them to, and then punch it at the last second while leaving the other person stuck at the light.
People who do every mundane task in the least efficient way possible.
Groups of people who form a wall of human obliviousness in a hallway or sidewalk and then dodle and then act shocked when someone with things to do and enemies to vanquish loudly says excuse me and sidles past.
People who slow down in the middle of moving traffic to fiddle with their phone.
People who honestly believe their fifth cousin texting them a picture of his new patio is a moral mandate to ignore everyone else at the table or make everyone in the meeting wait.
People who slam on the breaks at the last second to turn without signalling.
People who start slowing down half a friggin’ mile before turning and come to a near complete stop so that they actually have to accelerate to finish the turn.
People who forget to silence their phone in movie theaters.
I can be a very patient person for things that are worth being patient for. I have no patience for slow-pokes. In fact, my favorite superhero is Quicksilver, because he’s stuck in a world of molasses people, just like me.
What grinds my gears?
When the Network Sysadmins don’t document who the ISP is for a site, or update that info and when the site goes down, they yell at me for not calling in the issue.
I’ve emailed the Network sysadmins now. In the middle of the night because their lack of diligence has stymied my ability to get a site back online.
I’m betting come monday morning I’m going to be getting a call from at least one of them telling me to lay off on the emails.
Either they do their jobs well enough that I can catch these things and get them fixed quickly enough that they never notice or thank me. Or they slack off on documenting who’s the ISP where, and they complain that I’m slow or that I’m not doing my job when I’ve been hindered. And when I ask for their help, they tell me to lay off and that they’re working on it, when I already have my own manager breathing down my neck about this issue.
So, generally, slow people.
I agree. Somehow, as I get older, everyone else seems to get slower. I’m frequently late for class because I get stuck behind slow-moving students 1/3 my age. I mean, come on, I don’t have that much time left, do you think I want to waste it stuck behind you as you creep along in slo-mo?
As my old man usedta say, “You know what really burns my ass?” (Holds out hand around crotch level.) “A candle about yea high.”
Plus people who disparage the Red Delicious apple.
Heretic.
Granny Smith or death.
You hipsters… The honeycrisp is the best eating apple.
If you want something better genetically engineer it yourself.
We did. 
I meant newfangled genetic engineering, but selective breeding counts too 
We designed the Cavendish and cauliflower after all.
I’m not averse to genetic manipulation. My post about that wasn’t meant negatively if you can engineer an apple that’s better than the honeycrisp, then more power to you.
Encountering an issue with software or learning to install a driver, searching online for a solution, trying the solution and netting a failure result, because the solution:
is exclusively for some flavour of my operating system I don’t use, but not designated as such;
contains at least one typographical error.
This reminds me of the ancient show “Almost Live!”'s “Lame List”. Here’s something else that I believe is in “a stinking sea of lame”:
getting a form submission error because my name has an apostrophe when TWO things the form developer/designer/scripter could have done, included a nonalphanumeric character substitution line in a validation script, or included a document.write() text to the user about what characters NOT to use, weren’t done because a young clod knows so much more than some ditzy menopausal bitch who knows some names include hyphens or apostrophes buh-buh-buh-buh.
Also not cool, using a code substitution script that substitutes a space for an apostrophe, so the clueless customer support people deny help to the user whose name is misspelled on the company’s database. “We don’t have a record for you.” “Well I didn’t write the database INSERT script, some doorknob who never encountered a name with nonalphanumeric characters did, which tells me loads about your company’s IT budget.”
Can you engineer a Honeycrisp that doesn’t cost twice as much as every other apple?
They’re really nice, but I’d rather have two Granny Smiths.
There’s a sign near me that has an N mounted upside-down. The serif gives it away. The sign on the other side of the street has the N mounted correctly.
Fuuuuuuuuuuck.
