The greatest toy ever made

boing
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Shee-yit. Doesn’t come close to the Bag O’ Glass:

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Don’t forget Happy Fun Ball!

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Ahh, thank you kindly @crenquis, that’s one of my all time faves–it set the standard for awesome small type in adverts:

  • Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
  • Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
  • Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
  • Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.
  • Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
    • itching
    • vertigo
    • dizziness
    • tingling in extremities
    • loss of balance or coordination
    • slurred speech
    • temporary blindness
    • profuse sweating
    • heart palpitations
  • If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
  • Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
  • When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.
  • Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
  • Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
  • Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
  • Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee
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I can’t seem to find anything awesome in the ad to count; what am I missing?

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