The many inglorious deaths of my virtual fish


To grow for their sakes? No wonder they died! Fish cannot drink sake, you big silly!


This immediately made me think of Infinity Blade for IOS, which was the first game I ever played which relied on you reincarnating as a more powerful you each time. As a game mechanic it was great as it made the content stretch far further than it would have otherwise, conserving the app’s size and making it actually downloadable.

If you haven’t played it, you should. Surprised you didn’t mention Infinity Blade in this article actually. It’s on its third installment and was a number one game each time.

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Sounds like a dating sim. Can you unlock X-rated endings?

There’s a hook I don’t understand. The Jellyfish Simulator people should be doing boffo box though, right? It can have little tie-ins with PlentyOfFish. They’re balloons AND they’re darts…well, nematocysts at some level of maturity. They can cross-license the awful longevity murder episode of that erm…show.

I was recommended this game by a friend who works for the Monterey Bay Aquarium. She says that the representation of the sunfish is mostly accurate. They’re big, dumb, and fragile.

She was offended by the catfish whiskers, though.


I’ve seen the sunfish while diving in Monterey Bay. Sea Lions like to bite off the big top and bottom fins but are uninterested with the rest of the fish (except perhaps as a frisbee). They just sink to the bottom waving the little pectoral fins and have to wait on the bottom for the sea stars to crawl over to them.

Sea lions are assholes.

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Their skeletons are amazing. And H.P. Lovecraft wrote about them too: “There was a bursting as of an exploding bladder, a slushy nastiness as of a cloven sunfish, a stench as of a thousand opened graves, and a sound that the chronicler could not put on paper.”

The game specifies that the “whiskers” are parasites.

Huh, they look more like barbels.

I feel like this classic Boing Boing video by @beschizza is a pretty great accompaniment to this article:


Great, another silly game to get hooked on. Hurry up and die, you stupid fish! I need to unlock more food and adventures for you!

Ha! You’re not doing it right. I got a Nimitz-class sunfish that eats kraken for breakfast.

Having your fish die is still the fastest way to gain MP. So far, I’ve only reached in the 150-160kg range with my fish, but then I’ve only been playing it for about 18 hours.

There’s a real thrill to having your fish die on a 99% success event though, I have to say.

Hmm… I was hoping this was going to be the long-awaited return of Seaman, the video game. I aways wanted to play that game, but it disappeared before I could get my own. Leonard Nimoy provided the voice of the narrator in the English language version. Like, how cool is that? Here’s a YouTube video of someone playing the game. Very interactive.

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