This guy photocopied water so you don't have to

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mutters something about - “fool me twice, shame on me”.



Was really hoping the copier would explosively short out.


i was anticipating something quite different.


Don’t leave the seat lid open!!!


Reminds me of the Reprotron 5000

Xerox officials held an emergency press conference Wednesday to
announce a total recall of all Reprotron 5000 Three-Dimensional Copy

Xerox stock has plummeted to a new all-time low since the release of
the innovative device. Xerox hailed the Reprotron 5000 as a “new
revolution in copying” when it introduced the machine just two weeks
ago, and market insiders were certain that the copier would send Xerox
stock through the roof.

At a demonstration of the Reprotron in August, Xerox staffers made
full three-dimensional copies of an Oriental vase, a bowl of fruit, and
a perfect red rose. Reporters were invited to sample apples and oranges
copied from the original fruit, though Xerox technicians did warn that
the copied fruit might taste slightly of toner. John Thompson (inventor
of the Reprotron) stepped forward to make a copy of a Manhattan phone
book, but accidentally copied his hand and forearm. He quickly disposed
of the highly detailed, frantically wiggling half-limb as it slid out of
the copier’s delivery slot.

But Xerox wasn’t ready for what happened next. “We assumed that
people would behave as responsible, thinking human beings with this
copier, and obviously we were wrong,” Thompson states. From all across
the USA, reports have been filing in of the copier being used in what
Thompson calls “sick, greedy ways.”

At a Copy Center in Austin, Texas, a couple was arrested for making
15 copies of their three-year-old son, Jeremy, and then refusing to pay
for the copies, claiming that some of the new children were “smudged.”
Local authorities were uncertain as to which charges should be pressed.

In Union City, Arizona, Treasury Department officials are
investigating reports of a secretary who allegedly copied a single bar
of gold bullion 150 times. A task force investigator stated, “Granted,
it takes money to make money, but we’re almost certain that this action
is in violation of some laws.”

Xerox officials are also under fire from consumers, due to rumors
that the three-dimensional copying technology is imperfect. Harold Butz
of Peoria, Pennsylvania, made a copy of a common cement brick
spray-painted gold. Butz claims he was “shocked and dismayed” when he
discovered that the machine-made copy was 22-karat solid gold. “All I
wanted was a really good copy of a cement brick spray-painted gold’”
Butz stated. “What the hell am I going to do with this thing?”

Xerox plans to scrap all the machines they are able to recall, but
Thompson expressed concern over the so-called “black market Reprotrons.”

Apparently some sick and greedy people discovered that if they had
two machines, they could use one to make a working copy of the other,"
Thompson revealed. “To tell the truth, we only sold two machines in all
to the Cappelli family, a New Jersey based Meat packing firm. These
copy pirates should be aware that as with anything that is copied from a
copy and so on, there are bound to be defects in the copies produced.
We have no idea what kind of stuff will pop out of the slot when a
person copies something on a fourth- or fifth-generation machine.”
Thompson declined to comment on reports that hundreds of the pirated
machines have a human thumb attached to the coin slot which constantly
wiggles - the result of a person’s thumb getting in the way during one
of the original copier-to-copier copies.

“Ultimately, we’re not too worried,” Thompson stated. “People owning
the copiers will eventually run out of the fluid that make the machine
work, and we’ve taken all the fluid off the market. A machine can only
last two weeks or so without a fluid refill, and there won’t be any
fluid refills.” When asked why people with copiers couldn’t simply make
copies of the fluid canisters they already have, Xerox officials
hastily ended the press conference, stating that they “need to
reconsider a few things.”


it was funny until he laughed uncontrollably at his own joke.


Wow, looks so lifelike.


I’ll go cross that off my list right now.

The best part was when I didn’t have to.


Surprised it didn’t cut to this.


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