Trailer for new documentary: Aspie Seeks Love


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He seems like a sweet guy. I’m guessing there’s more to it than that, though. Short movie, otherwise.

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My advice to all Aspies (from a fellow Aspie) regarding finding love; forget dating sites and bars. You probably have some specific interests, so find an online community (or several) about it (the more specific and smaller the community, the better) and just get to know people, make friends, after a while maybe meet up.

This is the way I’ve found the few friends I have (even though most live all across the world) and my lovely boyfriend (domestic partner, to be exact).


Funny as things are. He has all the body features that I find incredibly attractive in a man. I’ve dated nerds and geeks with varied levels of social awkwardness. I myself am always insecure about how socially awkward I still am.
I’m happily married to a geek that spent the first 25 years of his life single and focused only in computers. He has become better and better after we married and my life is so much better having him by my side…

I have a hard time believing that I’m some kind of unicorn. There is an incredible diversity in taste for women. So what the trailer isn’t showing?


I like this advice! I’ve met my husband through a mail list about technology. We would discuss all kinds of topics and I admired his intelligence and his sense of humor years before meeting him in real life.

I have some great friends all met online, through a guild in a game or some forum about comics, rpg or other stuff I like. I still feel more comfortable behind a screen than meeting in person always overthinking my body cues…


This could just be projection; but a plausible issue, under the circumstances, is that he has considerable difficulty gauging the nature, intent, and meaning of people’s responses to him and is nervous or paralyzed when trying to act from deeply uncertain information. That is an excellent counter to successful interaction, even if the person is otherwise a reasonably good prospect and free of egregious personality defects.

People can be coy enough even if they have consciously formulated a judgement of you(particularly anyone still operating on the assumption that women aren’t supposed to ask directly; but attempt to induce the desired man to do so); and if they don’t have a consciously formulated intent to express, good luck with interpreting the more subtle indicators of interest and disinterest.

(This is not to say that cognitively normal people are necessarily notably accurate analysts of human interaction; but they seem to have an easier time with being wrong and optimistic rather than wrong and pessimistic or hitting paralysis by analysis.)


Cue obligatory joke:

Asperger’s Syndrome is a disease whose primary mode of transmission is reading the Wikipedia article on Asperger’s Syndrome.

(I don’t mean to impugn people who have been legitimately placed on the autism spectrum, but rather take a shot at all the self-diagnosed “Aspies” out there.)


I just don’t bother anymore. People are so deliberately vague! And being in an area with few single people my age (40s), and considering my very marginal ideas about money and society, the chances of meeting people I can even talk with are fairly minimal. It doesn’t help that my current location is a cultural vacuum.

What bothered me about “dating” is that directness was often perceived as being either odd or creepy, but I saw it as a form of respect. I have never been interested in emotionally manipulating people, so there’s a perverse irony when people assume that I am “using” them if I propose a relationship which doesn’t fit the traditional coy/romantic mold.

…just squicks too many people, and it’s not my intention to cause them discomfort. Nor to make myself out to be more marginal than I already do. I am naturally a fairly outgoing person, but tend to need to be solitary anyway. It’s difficult having no social networks to speak of, and it has only gotten more difficult as I’ve gotten older. It’s quite easy to be a person people trust and find quite friendly and interesting - yet have no real personal relationships at all. It makes me very curious about whatever it is they need out of relationships with others!


The ‘disinterest’ can be of greater importance. Because if you’re a genuinely good person, you don’t WANT to pester somebody who’s disinterested in you, and if you’ve got various anxiety issues and a difficulty in detecting these subtle signals, even the potential that you’re bothering someone can be enough to stop you from trying at all.


It can work both ways too, the other person can often mischaracterise responses as disinterest, or even outright contempt! People on the spectrum are not only bad at judging emotion in others, they often have problems projecting their own internal emotianal states. This stuff comes naturally to most people, they don’t even have to think about it. So you can have one person comfortably expressing interest, the other side failing to recognise it, and also failing to project their own interest at the same time, which can turn the other person off pretty quickly. This kind of thing is not limited to romantic interactions, it makes communicating with any stranger difficult at times.


Heh, for me it was the exact opposite. After throughout tests conducted by a doctor at a mental health insitution, she came to the conclusion that I probably have Asperger’s and should get the official testing done in order to get a diagnosis. But I refused - at the age of 15, somehow the thought that my troubles (or at least part of them) were being caused by some innate “defect” of mine, instead of the very heavy bullying I went through, was offensive to me. I could’ve gotten the diagnosis already then, but I said NO WAY, I can’t have no Asperger’s syndrome, forget about it.

Well, fast-forward several years filled with different pretty broad diagnosis’s and all types of therapy and medication that never really did it for me. One day, after talking to an actual Aspie about her disorder, I started wondering how it’s possible it all sounds so similar and revisited the old doctor’s comments. It made a little too much sense, and after some personal soul-searching, discussing the matter with my partner and family and finally talking about it to a doctor - heureka! Understanding what I have has helped me so much because I now know so much better how to “train” myself in social situations and am able to take note of things that cause me anxiety or are hard for me to understand etc.

Sounds like the story of my life! It’s so much easier to meet people through the Internet; you can slowly progress through text, then webcam and finally a real life meet-up. It’s just words, without all the confusing body cues or having to act my emotions. Of course, people do use different tones or for example, sarcasm, on the Internet, too, but it’s still easier to figure those out in plain text (and you tend to have more time for analysis, even in real-time chat, than in real life). And all this from the comfort of my own home. :smiley:


As an irrelevent tangent: did anyone else look at the preview image on the video and think of Brian Bolland’s version of the Joker?

Nice, I am almost 40. Having disabilities doesn’t help. :frowning:

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Interesting. I was listening to the ABC’s Radio National show The Night Air’s tribute to John Blades, a

structural engineer, award-winning radio producer, tape loop
manipulator, disability advocate, spoken word artist, outsider art
collector, experimental music and true crime aficionado

and in the process discovered that he was in a doumentary called Scarlet Road about a sex worker who is

(i)mpassioned about freedom of sexual expression and the rights of sex
workers, she specializes in a long over-looked clientele – people with

I’ll be grabbing a copy next pay cheque.

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