Transcripts from Martin Shkreli's jury-selection process


Originally published at:


If you know someone’s a rat and you treat them like a rat, that’s fair.


juror no. 1: I’m aware of the defendant and I hate him.
benjamin brafman: I’m sorry.
juror no. 1: I think he’s a greedy little man.

juror no. 59: Your Honor, totally he is guilty and in no way can I let him slide out of anything because —
the court: Okay. Is that your attitude toward anyone charged with a crime who has not been proven guilty?
juror no. 59: It’s my attitude toward his entire demeanor, what he has done to people.
the court: All right. We are going to excuse you, sir.
juror no. 59: And he disrespected the Wu-Tang Clan.

I’m dead :joy::joy::joy:

I hope Juror 59 had a mic to drop.


My favorite is “I’m impartial as to what jail he goes to.”

I was literally LOL at some of these.


I get the impression he somewhat enjoys his position as a contrarian, but talk like this makes me think some sort of makeover would be in order if he’s going to have a habit of appearing in court. New haircut, maybe a nice pair of glasses (or empty frames, at least), that sort of thing.


juror no. 144: I don’t think I can because he kind of looks like a dick.

Damn, when did court become so salty


Well, it is 2017 after all. Pretty sure last year used up all remaining fucks.


It’s almost as if Shkreli committed a crime against humanity, and now he’s reaping what he sowed.


I mean, that face. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Shkreli’s own fists reflexively leap up and punch it of their own accord.


I read this elsewhere, but couldn’t tell if it was satire or an actual transcript of the event.
Both seemed equally likely.


We don’t bother making that sort of reality/satire distinction anymore. It’s one big happy party!


That John Galt act is really paying off for him. This is one of the rare instances where I would have been excited about being called for jury duty.


juror no. 70: I can be fair to one side but not the other.

Nailed it.


May 2017 bring more juries we’d all be excited to be on.


That feeling when you make too much money to be seen marching in Charlottesville with the common Nazis, but people can sense what a fascist you are just by looking at you.


His parents must be so proud of how their little boy makes people feel. /s


You do know that if you’re sympathetic to a Shkreli, that makes you a Shkreli sympathizer.


I wondered too, but in the end thought it was too repetitive to be fake.


juror no. 10: The only thing I’d be impartial about is what prison this guy goes to.

Okay, which of you was Juror 10?


Why would you abandon your chance to hold him to account, by saying such things in jury selection? Sounds like these people didn’t want to serve, honestly. And given it is bound to be an extensive trial, it may be understandable. But oh man, I would have the straightest face I could muster, so I could get on that jury. God how that would make my day.