A good party companion set to the ever-popular “Pin the Mark on the Cain.”
I’d normally go for “Christ, what an asshole.”; but in this case that would probably be anachronistic(though multipartite consubstantial deities with an ambiguous relationship to the linear time stream make anachronism problematic).
Yahweh, what an asshole? Egregious lack of proportionality in response and callous disregard for massive civilian casualties.
If you had ever come to one of our family’s Seders, you would have heard a spirited rendition of a song about the Plague of Frogs.
Here’s a version sung by somebody’s grandma – Bubbeh.
An example of Sader-Masochism?
Pretty funny! We had plague finger puppets and my wife had plague fingernail decals this last Passover. Here’s the nail decals:
The dead first born looks like it will be a self-fulfilling prophesy since it doesn’t appear to have eye holes.
You know, there’s no evidence that the Jews were actually enslaved by the Egyptians in the first place. Also there’s no historical or archaeological evidence for the Exodus…
Also, no record of the plagues. You’d think in a highly literate society like Egypt, if over night the whole country’s firstborn died, someone would write down “bird bird scarab forearm eye waves reeds forearm” (trans. “HOLY SHIT! EVERYONE’S KIDS ARE DEAD! ALL AT ONCE!”)
Instead we have records from the Egyptian Empire that mention the Jews living in the Palestine area before the Old Testament was written. Turns out the financial and military records of an empire are a lot more reliable and accurate than a compilation of fairy tales about a culture’s favorite god from an Elohim comprising over 60 distinct gods. Yahweh is just the god of a mountain.
Finally, you wanna talk massive civilian casualties? Why not Noah? The whole world population (minus 8 people) was a lot bigger than just first born of the Egyptian Empire.
**Truly bizarre and creepy** kids’ masks of the Biblical plagues(emphasis mine)
You could say that of the bible generally. The first two stories illustrate that god doesn’t love his creation, is stupid, or is impotent. He chose specifically to make “the wages of sin is death” then decided to curse humanity to be “sinful” by asking people who had no moral compass to act morally and obediently. What did he expect? Either he meant for them to fail if he was truly omniscient and omnipotent. Or he isn’t omniscient and omnipotent and didn’t see it coming. So either he’s a god who is a lot less powerful than what all the christians claim. Or he’s so evil that it’d be evil just to worship him, even if he were proven to exist.
Can I get these as motorcycle helmets?
The pyramids were in construction
The pharoah glowed with satisfaction…
I’ve never seen a child so happy to have lice on his head.
So? Exactly the same situation of absolutely no contemporary historical record for Jesus outside the bible, and the same for The Buddha. Only recently was there a discovery that a Roman official named Pontius Pilate actually existed, and Rome was WAY more into bookeeping than Egypt. Do you actually have any idea when the Torah was written? No one claims it predates Exodus. And do you recall where the Torah says the Jews who ended up as slaves came from? Canaan, AKA Palestine.
I’m not observant and really care about this stuff, but you seem to expect a lot from 3500 year old records. Sure, there’s a lot of exaggeration in the story, note there’s a lot of miracles too, but I expect something happened to the tribe that made a real big impression.
Some of my family has bags of plastic cows, locusts etc that come out and get tossed around the seder table. Ping pong balls for hail end up being “wine-ponged”.
I would have been pointing out the lack of evidece for a historical Jesus. I might have taken a potshot at Buddha too.
Pointing out evidence against or total absence of evidence for widely held religious beliefs is kind of my thing.
Don’t forget that you also hate joy 
Wild Animals, eh? Is that a thing? I have been completely oblivious to that interpretation until now; I only understood (or rather, can only recall understanding – it’s been a while since I’ve thought about it at all) that there was a plague of flies.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plagues_of_Egypt#4.Wild_animals.2C_possibly_flies.28.D7.A2.D6.B8.D7.A8.D7.95.D6.B9.D7.91.29:_Ex._8:20.E2.80.9332
I guess you have a taste for low hanging fruit.
It’s amazing how ineffective the low hanging fruit is though. I guess it’s one of the benefits of a self-contained worldview that espouses the idea that doubt is sinful and that knowledge and thought is what fucked up the whole world (Adam and Eve).
because evidence points to most of his story being an amalgamation of previous myths culled from the various surrounding cultures, horus, etc. that predate him by quite a lot. if there was a historical person he wasn’t the person from the stories, that much is certain.
it is good to remember that these are all largely myths and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.
And what was with all that “hardening Pharoah’s heart” shit? That deeply disturbed me as a kid.
Moses: The Lord says, “Let My people go!”
Pharaoh: OK.
God: Just … one … more … plague…
invokes mind control
DO NOT LET MY PEOPLE GO! Hah! Now you get …
rolls dice
Ooh! Boils!
