That’s happening every day already.
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Delete your phone.
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Everyone’s phone will be screeching an alert during morning rush hour in Honolulu. What could possibly go wrong?
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This is a Double Super Secret Emergency Alert. 
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“This is President Trump. They said I couldn’t win Minnesota, but…”
“People of the Uninen Shates, if Little Rocket Man…”
“Good afternoon from the most powerful man on the planet. Earth. Earth’s a helluva planet, isn’t it? One of the biggest. The best planet that I know of. Others have been saying that, I don’t know. We’ll see. I wanted to talk to you about the Lyin’ Liberal Fake Media and especially the Failin’ New York Times. Did you just see that trash they wrote about my father? Fake News!..”
“Ladies and gentleman…I don’t mean the Democrat party, folks. They’re no ladies. Or gentlemen for that matter. I don’t know what their problem is. Look at that one. Probably bleeding out of her whatever. Because Brett Kavanaugh is a very fine, great…man. One of the best. And the fake news media is ruining his life! We must get him on the Supreme Court, because, well, let me tell you: he’s a great man…”
So I guess what I’m thinking is this could be a really really RILLY bad idea.
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Dear Americans,
Do you lot have like “local area” emergency texts? Like say a tsunami was coming after an earthquake, everyone in the hit-zone gets a message at 2am to get to high ground?
New Zealand recently implemented a nationwide system just like this (we’re only the size of a small state though), and we’ve yet to use it except for a text, but even for us I can’t imagine a situation except nuclear war where you’d need to contact the entire country immediately.
It’s ok though, you don’t really have to worry about Trump using this as a State Mouthpiece until he hits years 5 and 6. That’s when things are gonna get reeeeaally dictatory.
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Great, the last thing I want to hear before I’m vaporized is HIM.
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Everyone: I really hope he doesn’t start annoyingly force tweeting us daily.
Me: I really hope people get daily annoying reminders to vote until he’s gone… wait… is this… potentially a good thing?
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receives emergency text from president
“…wait, is that the mushroom guy from mariokart?”
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No, they can’t. Planes fly through cell signals all the time
No tracking needed. US based cell towers are just going to send the message out to every phone connected to them.
It can’t force it to you but depending on your carrier it could be waiting undelivered until you turn your radio back on. Still, receiving a message on a plane is unlikely to cause any problems. If it did planes would have run into so many problems with takeoff and landing in populated areas. There may be an argument for sending from a phone while in flight but that’s probably bunk too.
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It isn’t malware and I wish Mark wouldn’t call it that. Taking a term that has an established meaning and trying to apply it to something else if very Trumpian. It’s almost fake news.
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We do have severe weather alerts and also Amber Alerts (for kidnapped children), which are regional in scope. Those can be disabled, but (unless the phone is rooted) the upcoming test can’t be.
I’ve set a reminder to put my phone in airplane mode.
It’d be interesting to see cell phone carrier statistics on how many people disconnected from the network in the time window.
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Ok ok, keep the alerts, but dump Trump.
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Even Rupert Pupkin has gone cellular by now I guess.
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It’s not malware, it’s a text message. Spam might be a more appropriate word than malware if you want to put a negative slant on it.
It’s not every U.S. phone, it’s every U.S. cell phone. And, even then, it won’t be every single one. Five percent of text messages in the U.S. are never delivered.
Those of us with landlines probably won’t be bothered at all.
But will porn access spike?
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I’m curious if there’s a way for some bad actors to exploit this alert system, there’d gotta be right?
Trump has some weird masturbation habits.
[airplane mode on]
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