TSA Behavioral Detection Program's awful newsletter mocks travellers' worries


#1

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#2

If the government wants to blow billions of dollars, they should just give to me. I can actually show that I am doing something with the money.


#3

This is exactly why I could not be a TSA agent… or anyone that interacts with people for a living…

My computers don’t care when I mock them.


#4

I’d rather crawl to a destination then have to deal with the TSA & flying.


#5

Ha, ha some stupid woman thought our explosive-detection swabs were for DNA, how ridiculous! We’re actually using a test that detects heart medication, fertilizer and hand soap, but completely fails to detect the type of explosive consistently used by would-be aircraft bombers! Because that makes so much more sense!


#6

Here’s a fun tidbit from my travels. Back when they were swabbing carry on bags and shoes, I in a moment of complete DUH! forgot that the same little bag I used for short trips happened to be the bag I had taken to the rifle range (paper punching targets before someone lumps me in with the douchebag dentist “big game” hunter). My bag and boots had to have had some microscopic nitrocellulose debris as I had been to the range the previous day. I realized this right as they were shoving the swab in the little machine. A bit nervous, I composed my explanation for the moment when the machine would inevitably ring for explosive materials… but it didn’t. “Ok sir, have a good trip”… Whaaa??? um, ok… thanks…

The really funny part? My wife’s bag set off the machine. The TSA lady swabbed her hands after the machine went off, and asked her about lotion etc… to which my wife replied “yes”, and she was free to go as well.

So, gunpowder residue. No problemo. Common cosmetic product…


#7

Can the TSA be prosecuted as an act of criminal fraud?


#8

Online flight planning sites and apps need an “avoid USA” option for people who don’t want to deal with this shit.

So many appealing fares involve stops in the USA, which mean enormous hassle compared to every other nation I’ve passed through.


#9

Funny thing is out of all the wacky behaviour listed, I would be exhibiting almost none of them.
I don’t know why people get so uptight about security. I don’t want to board a plane with potentially dodgy characters.
Seeing and hearing so much crazy news about TSA and the various PDs, it’s obvious the USA is getting nuttier by the day.


#10

Apparently the “explosives” test is sensitive to glycerin - which is in soaps, shampoos, make-up, skin lotions, some foods… they’re basically looking for PETN, which is quite hard for them to detect. I keep reading about people who spent time firing guns and mortars and didn’t get flagged, so apparently the test isn’t sensitive to those sorts of explosives. Meanwhile, terrorists are favoring TATP, which is peroxide-based and the swabs won’t detect it. But the TSA will test liquids and confiscate anything with hydrogen peroxide in it, even though trying to brew up some explosives on the plane would be basically impossible. I’m baffled what a test with such a high false-positive rate actually accomplishes.


#11

I would show a few, because of mental illness. I’m also a pacifist who has had aborted suicide attempts because of an unwillingness to involve anyone else.

I’m harmless but the TSA doesn’t agree. Who do you think is right?


#12

It makes a lot of money for the people who sell said machines and gives comfort to a lot of people who have no idea what they do.


#13

Yeah, o…k…
“Stewardess, could I be moved to another seat, please?”


#14

Your reaction could have been worse, although if I was sitting next to you I wouldn’t be telling you I had PTSD and depression, and the first you would know about it was me staring into space for long periods of time, and only if you were looking for anything wrong. At least you don’t expect that I should be removed from the flight, I suppose.

The only reason I mentioned mental illness here is because I fall outside the TSA’s list of acceptable behaviours despite not being a threat. I don’t actually have to deal with the TSA, although the UK Border Force is an equally unpleasant alternative.


#15

I’ve nearly missed a connecting flight after TSA decided my brand new and unopened deodorant was some new kind of deadly hazard.

Useless bullshit!

Why am I even forced to handle baggage on a connecting flight in the first place?!?


#16

Sorry, dumb joke.
I can empathise, as I’ve had to deal with depression also. People often don’t understand, that is, if they are even aware of it at all.
It certainly is a weird experience going through security checks, especially if you are looked at suspiciously when you’ve done nothing wrong.


#17

You should have seen Canadian customs grill me about a recipe for xmas pudding.


#18

Calling it “Explosively delicious” might have been ill-advised


#19

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