Virginia braces for gay marriage


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Sure, I’ll get expensive orthodonture in support of my homosexual brothers and sisters, but do they have to be Virginia brand?


There’s also the usage of “braces” as suspenders - maybe Virginians are anticipating their belts not fitting anymore from all the wedding banquets they’ll be invited to this autumn?


“Straight Virginia Couple Cancels Wedding Because Marriage Means Nothing Now”

Reads no news headline written, ever.


Brace yourself for… things making sense!


Is it true the new law makes gay marriage mandatory for all Virginians over the age of 21? Because I for one would have a real issue with that.


No, but it is going to mean that some guys are going to start being pressured by their boyfriends to leave their wives. At least that’s how I interpret it whenever I hear a man say, “This threatens my marriage!”


Of course there are news headlines like that; they’re just in The Onion.

More seriously, I’ve known straight couples who decided not to get married until their states would allow everybody to get married.

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Not only am I stealing that barb, I shall also tonight offer sacrifice to the Many-Angled Ones that I will have occasion to use it. Nice.

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It is going to make life harder for hetro couples who want to get married, because it’ll be that much harder to get a slot at the registrar’s office, or book a hotel for their reception, or find a wedding photographer now.
I think they’ll cope though.

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In all seriousness, though, while my friends and I are hardly a representative sample, I know quite a few people who started to reconsider the idea of getting married when gay marriage became legal here. That is to say, before that point we generally thought that marriage was an antiquated idea about men owning women and we didn’t want anything to do with it. The legality of gay marriage really revitalized the whole idea for us.

I doubt I would be in a mixed-sex marriage right now is same-sex marriage was not legal. My life not be otherwise terribly different.


This sounds like a National Weather Service update.

Locals are bracing themselves as HURRICANE FAGGOTRON reached a category Fabulous yesterday, and has turned inland. It is expected to make landfall at Virginia Beach some time Thursday morning. Officials are urging residents to wear costume jewelry and go-go boots.

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At least Virginia won’t be the last state this time around.

The second one is a retainer, not braces. Orthodontic braces are cemented to one’s teeth, retainers are removable (or vomitable out the window of an M104 bus in Times Square because it was your first time getting drunk, to be expensively crushed by a passing car before retrieval. Don’t ask me how I know that.)


I know, but they were more rainbow-y than the google images results for ‘rainbow braces’. Call it artistic licence. Awesome story, though :wink: My first proper drunken vomit was at a ‘proper’ old-school English nightclub where you had to wear dress shoes to get in. I sicked pernod and black on mine. And made a regrettable liaison.



Must. Gouge. Out. Mind’s. Eye.