Oh, wow, that definitely put you behind the 8 ball. 
We have the unusual benefit (maybe?) of having an over-educated populace (around 75% hold a bachelor’s degree - which is pretty nuts when you think about the US as a whole) who are pretty invested in seeing theirs kids succeed, no matter what.
We’re dealing with this right now. Our daughter is having a hell of a time at school because of what seems to be ADHD (we’ve done an initial evaluation, but not a formal one). It’s frustrating because the teachers seem good at figuring out which kids have it, but don’t seem equipped to deal with it. the end result is my kid being singled out and punished for things that are beyond her control. It’s frustrating because it’s leaving her feeling like she’s a loser or problematic, when really she’s just struggling to fit in to the classroom setting (recess, in particular).
Boy, does this sound familiar. We went through the same damned thing before I submitted the paperwork in 4th grade. The lunch and recess monitors were the worst. The constant unwanted negative attention did terrible things to our son’s self esteem, too.
No one solution is going to work for every family, and being you kid’s best advocate is very important when battling BS at school. Talk to your pediatrician to find out what resources are available in your area. Child psychiatrists are few and far between, pediatricians are aware of this and the good ones are doing what they can to hfill that void.
Yeah. It’s frustrating. We got this pretty well dumped on us suddenly by a first grade teacher who was A) in her first year and B) clearly having a bad day (despite being warned that our kid hadn’t slept great and would probably be challenging that day).
We’re lucky that we’re catching it early and taking it seriously. Hopefully, we’ll be able to help our daughter (she’s 7) navigate all this better. She really struggles with friends and social cues (so did, for that matter). We’ve got her in play-based counseling for the big emotions and we’re working on her diet (she has a lot of food-based allergies and a few seem to make her reactions stronger).
It’s just hard to watch her struggle like this.
I think the more interesting observation would be of behaviour while solving an engaging cognitive task. When I get going on something, full-bore, it can be a bit more like watching a drummer. I’d also expect that you see more fluency of gestures in physical space while talking about the problem and in just sitting on their own. Literally, physically playing with the space they’re trying to visualize.
I know that I certainly do that. Especially when I give directions. I’ll make gestures for the car, I’ll point out the highway. I’ll say “first you turn north” then point literally north because I generally have good bearings in western washington and know the compass points for myself most of the time.
What is interesting is that there is some anecdotal evidence that shows if teachers, particularly primary teachers, treat their whole class as if they are neurodiverse (clear transitions, sensory breaks and whatnot) the whole class benefits. Near every student thrives.
If you have kerb cutouts and level floors and flat entries to buildings (instead of a step, or a flight of stairs), then people in wheelchairs can actually navigate the space, when they couldn’t before.
And so can people with canes and crutches and walking frames. And prams, and trolleys, and children on those little tricycles with handles, and scooters. And people who have no difficulty walking are encouraged to cross at one point without needing a law about it and police enforcement, and that means drivers know to look out more carefully there, and there are fewer tripping accidents and twisted ankles from stepping into the gutter wrong.
If you simplify signage so that people with limited vision can still read the relevant information, even if it’s by knowing what that shape and colour mean, then people with vision impairments can navigate more easily. And also people with 20/20 vision can navigate more easily, even if distracted. Or in the rain, or after dark, or while distracted after dark in the rain.
If you add a beeper to the crossing button which gives an indication when the crossing is green, and a warning when it’s yellow, and a slow tick to indicate where it is when it’s red, then blind people can use the crossing. And sighted people can use the crossing more easily by watching for cars while listening for the crossing to go green. Or when they’re distracted.
It turns out that making things more accessible for disabled people make them easier, better, and more pleasant to use for everyone else as well.
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