Originally published at: Watch Tom Waits pitch dog food on this real TV commercial | Boing Boing
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3 Likes
That’s cool, I know he doesn’t really do commercials in general. I think the wanted to use a song for his for a commercial, he declined, and then sued when their pseudo Tom Waits song they came up with was a little too close.
3 Likes
Franks Wild Years
Well Frank settled down in the Valley
And he hung his wild years
On a nail that he drove through
His wife’s forehead
He sold used office furniture
Out there on San Fernando Road
And assumed a $30, 000 loan
On a little two bedroom place
His wife was a spent peice of used jet trash
Made good bloody marys
Kept her mouth shut most of the time
Had a little Chihuahua named Carlos
That had somekind of skin disease
And was totally blind
They had a thoroughly modern kitchen
Self-cleaning oven (the whole bit)
Frank drove a little sedan
They were so happy
One night Frank was on his way home
From work, stopped at the liqour store
Picked up a couple of Mickey’s Big Mouths
Drank 'em in the car on his way
To the Shell station, he got a gallon of
Gas in a can, drove home, doused
Everything in the house, torched it
Parked across the street laughing
Watching it burn, all Halloween
Orange and chimney red then
Frank put on a top forty station
Got on the Hollywood Freeway
Headed north
Never could stand that dog
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This reminds me of the time Dylan did a commercial for Victoria’s Secret after stating in the 60’s that if he ever sold out it would be to advertise “ladies’ garments”.
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"Beef Liver & Bacon, all in one bag" poetry to my ears.
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Tom Waits for no man. But for dogs? Sure, why not?
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SCTV did it better.
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If anyone wants to hear the commercial he sued Frito-Lays over I found it on soundcloud
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Thanks, and yep, that’s pretty on the nose all right.
I assumed this was a fake like the corn chip one. Neat find!
Warm beer, cold dog food
The Purina has been drinking,
The Purina has been drinking,
The Purina has been drinking,
Not me.
2 Likes
That guy can pitch any product, as far as I’m concerned.
Step right up
Step right up
Step right up
Everyone’s a winner
Bargains galore
That’s right you too can be the proud owner of
The quality goes in before the name goes on
One tenth of a dollar
One tenth of a dollar
We got service after the sale
How 'bout perfume
We got perfume
How 'bout an engagement ring
Somethin’ for the little lady
Somethin’ for the little lady
Somethin’ for the little lady
3 for a dollar
We got a year end clearance
We got our white sale on a smoke damaged furniture
You can drive it away today.
Act now
Act now
And receive as our gift
Our gift to you
They come in all colors
One size fits all
No muss, no fuss, no spills
You tired of kitchen drudgery
Everything must go
Goin’ outta biz
Goin’ outta biz
Goin’ outta bizness sale
50% off original retail price
Skip the middle man
Don’t settle for less
How do we do it
How do we do it
Volume! volume!
Turn up the volume!
You’ve heard it advertised
Don’t hesitate
Don’t be caught with your drawers down
Don’t be caught with your drawers down
You just step right up
Step right up
That’s right it fillets
It chops, it dices, it slices
It never stops
Lasts a lifetime, it mows your lawn
And it mows your lawn
It picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
It gets rid of embarrassing age spots
It delivers the pizza
And it lengthens
And it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that’s be en-lodged under the
Chaise lounge for several weeks
And it plays a mean rhythm master
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it’s only a dollar
Step right up
It’s only a dollar
Step right up
'Cause it forges your signature
If not completely satisfied
Mail back unused portion of product for a complete refund of price of purchase
Step right up
Please allow thirty days for delivery
Don’t be fooled by cheap imitations
You can
Live in it
Live in it
Laugh in it
Love in it
Swim in it
Sleep in it
Live in it
Swim in it
Laugh in it
Love in it
And it removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets
That’s right
And it entertains visiting relatives
It turns a sandwich into a banquet
Tired of being the life of the party
Change your shorts
Change your life
Change your life
Change into a 9 year old Hindu boy
Get rid of your wife
And it walks your dog
And it doubles on sax
Doubles on sax
You can jump back jack
See ya later alligator
See ya later alligator
And it steals your car
It gets rid of your gambling debts
It quits smoking
It’s a friend, it’s a companion
It’s the only product you will ever need
Follow these easy assembly instructions
It never needs ironing
Well it takes weights off hips
Bust
Thighs
Chin
Midriff
Gives you dandruff
And it finds you a job
It is a job
And it strips the phone company
Of free tapes and your while exchange
And it gives you denture breath
And you know it’s a friend
And it’s a companion
And it gets rid of your travellers checks
It’s new, it’s improved, it’s old fashioned
Well it takes care of business
Never needs winding
Never needs winding
Never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, heartbreak, and psoriasis
Christ, you don’t know the meaning of heartbreak buddy
C’mon, c’mon.
C’mon, c’mon.
Cause it’s effective
It’s defective
It creates household odors
It disinfects
It’s sanitised for your protection
It gives you an erection
It wins the election
Why put up with painful corns any longer
It’s a redeemable coupon
No obligation
No salesman will visit your home
We got a jackpot
Jackpot
Jackpot
Prizes! Prizes! Prizes!
All work guaranteed
How do we do it?
How do we do it?
How do we do it?
How do we do it?
We need your bidness
We’re going out of business
We’ll give you the business
Get on the business end of our
Going out of business sale
Receive our free brochure
Free brochure
Read the easy to follow assembly instructions
Batteries not included
Send before midnight tomorrow
Terms available
Step right up
Step right up
Step right up
You got it buddy
The large print giveth
And the small print taketh away
Step right up
You can step right up
'Cause you can step right up
C’mon step right up
Get away from me kid, ya bother me
Step right up
Step right up
Step right up
C’mon c’mon c’mon
C’mon c’mon
Step right up
You can step right up
C’mon and step right up
C’mon step right up
1 Like
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