Which U.S. president would win in a massive knife fight?

Seconded, thirded, fourth…ded

Jackson purposely took a bullet to the heart and DIDN’T LET IT INTERRUPT HIS DUEL.

He let the other guy shoot him first, as a strategy. Then he blew the other guy’s throat out, basically because he’d publicly called Jackson a coward. The bullet in Jackson’s chest was never removed because it was lodged up against the aorta.

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Pfft. You don’t bring a gun to a knife fight. You bring a mad grizzly bear to a gun fight. Teddy would kick Jackson’s ass.

Actual photo of Roosevelt.

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Back in 2012 when this was new, I discussed it at some length, going so far as to create a spreadsheet comparing all 43 men who had served as US president on 6 variables that I thought would be relevant to success in a mass knife-fight: Coalition-Building Ability, Visual Inconspicuousness, Expertise in Hand-to-Hand Combat, Willingness to Kill (a.k.a. Badass Quotient, or BQ,) Physical Fitness, Spatial Awareness. You can see that analysis, if you are so inclined, in a blog post of mine called “Presidential Deathmatch.”

As a bit of a spoiler, I’ll tell you that the three tied for first place were Monroe, Jackson, and McKinley, while the three in last place were Cleveland, Arthur, and Taft.

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Sort of. The strategy was to let the other guy shoot first in the hopes that his aim would be off, but Jackson was still hoping not to get hit. He kept a careful sideways stance and wore layered clothing in preparation. Plus he only had to stand for a few seconds to aim and shoot (then, in a breach of etiquette, cock and aim and shoot again). Also, a dueling musket didn’t propel a bullet with the same force of the gun that shot Teddy.

Jackson had a furious violent streak but Teddy was able to remain cool and collected in the face of violence. Plus he had the power to transform into a 20-foot-tall Kodiak Bear.

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I’m not rating Bernie Sanders’ chances.

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Awwww, who would ever want to stab this guy, he’s just so cute.

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The greatest US president, by volume.

Also, can we have these deathmatches instead of the primaries?

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Poor Taft. He was an accomplished athlete and the only statesman in U.S. History to serve in all three branches of the Federal Government and everyone still just remembers him for the fat jokes.

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Funny, my 1st thought was Nixon. Seems to me Tricky Dick might know a thing or two about infighting. As for Jackson v TR, Jackson took office at 62, while TR was 20 years younger though 3 inches shorter. Jackson was a mean SOB but I’m going with TR.

BULLY!!

i mean, yeah, but if you have to get a custom shower designed and installed for you… that’s pretty memorable.

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There in lies the key.

Roman centurions weren’t that special as individuals, but as group, they were often unbeatable.

I one president can organzie a substanstial coalition, he will win, regardless of individual prowess with a knife.

Just like Richard Hatch for those who remember the orginal survivor.

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Wrong documentary for assessing Lincoln’s martial skills; try this one:

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Well, he’s quite a big target for those…

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Have to read it later but off the top of my head - top 3:

Lincoln. Arm reach would be important, and he used to wrestle and I think boxed a little, so I think he knew both how to strike and grapple.

Teddy Roosevelt. Just a burly fighting man’s man. Imagine he has already fought with a knife at some point in his life. As others pointed out - already took a bullet. He’s so gangster.

Taft. Enough girth maybe he could take a bunch of stabs and still not hit anything vital?

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This cries out for the meta-plot in which the aliens/gods/whatever who set up the fight are vulnerable. What would Kirk/Spock do?

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Ally themselves with Lincoln until one of the other Presidents stabbed him in the back. Duh.

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Yep, he was bleeding and everything. Which made his quip “It takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose” mocking his would-be assassin all the more bad-ass.

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Taft was said to be surprisingly energetic for a man of his size.

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