Who wins in a white house battle royale?


#1

Everyone in Trump’s administration is locked in the white house. The lockout ends when there is only one survivor.

DA RULES:

  1. All firearms are removed from the premises alongside other explosives or intentional chemical agents. However the contestants are free to weaponize any household cleaner, medical supplies, cooking components, or other similar material laying around.

  2. No support staff or secret service. Just the cabinet, advisors, and other trump appointees, the vice president, and whatever position Bannon has alongside trump himself.

  3. All internal white house doors are unlocked meaning access to the underground bunker, the tunnel network and facilities underneath the white house. Outgoing roads and paths will be blocked off at the edge of the property line.

  4. Alliances may be formed. However the doors will not open until there is only one survivor.

  5. Pets are allowed. Interns do not count as pets.

FIGHT!


#2

Is Ivanka allowed to use her dragons?


#3

Pets are allowed. Interns do not count as pets.


#4

final clarifying question: Does Chris Christie count as a pet or an intern?


#5

Falls outside of the realm of ‘Trump Apontee’ so not a contestant even though he brown noses so hard you don’t know where trump stops and he begins.


#6

America?  


#7

America will be the first to be destroyed, as Trump, having not bothered to actually read the rules, uses the nuclear football to nuke military targets inside the US to prevent James Mattis from calling in reinforcements.

Ironically, Mattis outlives most of the Trump family, thanks to his military training and thanks to the hardly unexpected backstabbing amongst the members of the Trump family when their father asks them to join him in an alliance.

In the end, however, Mattis dies from a pair of scissors to the neck, and the victor is… Transportation secretary Elaine Chao.


#8

I’m reminded of this.


#9

Jokes on you, Obama gave Trump the nerf football with “nucular” written on it that Bush had.


#10

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