"Why I Take All My First Dates to Olive Garden"

Doesn’t that deep-fried onion contain something like 300% your daily recommended calories and fat all by itself, never mind if you eat anything else?

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Is Fosters really Australian for Beer?
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1950 calories, including 280% of the recommended daily saturated fat.

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Yes but the onion is a vegetable.

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A tendency to Foster resentment towards crappy lager, perhaps. I don’t think I’ve actually seen anyone drink that since the early 90s. Most shops don’t even sell it.

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When I went on an Australian guided tour, I took an Outback menu and beer coasters (with ‘Aussie slang’ all over them like G’DAY! and SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE!) to show our local guide. He thought it was totally hilarious & loved it.

Frankly most of them are sort of remodeling now to look more like generic sports bars inside, but there used to be one near me with digiridoos, crappy fake ‘aborigine’ dot art, and a gigantic Ned Kelly helmet on the walls.

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When it comes to tests, this one seems much easier…

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At least she pays. That seems fair: the person who suggests Olive Garden pays for the meal.

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When I was in Australia, our local Aussie sales rep assured us no one drank Fosters. They drink Victorian Bitter. Which I later learned, is brewed by Fosters. He also said no one said G’Day Mate. Every person I saw on my run the next morning greeted me with a “G’Day Mate!” Also, apparently gardening at 6am is a thing in Newcastle.

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I suspect he also takes the majority of his last dates to Olive Garden as well…

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So much hatred for subpar Italian food, when the point is to test out the quality of company she’s keeping.

The author is a woman.

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Foster’s special bitter is really good. Not sure if same?

Or a litmus test for people who, you know, like good food.

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Ice cold, to kill the taste. But it’s never quite enough to get rid of the sink-cleaner flavour. Which you will come to tolerate, and even enjoy.

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Can someone with experience of shitty restaurant chains on both sides of the Atlantic give those of us Brits without it a translation? “Olive Garden is like X in the UK”, solve for X?

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I actually feel sorry for those who have very limited restaurant experience and think OG is fine for repeated patronage. At least the one time I ever ate there (forced upon me on a business trip) confirmed that the so-called pizza in Boron, CA was, truly, the worst POS thing on this planet.

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So much better to be all edgy and snobby, dontcha know.

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Lemme guess. . . because she wants to see who has the strongest stomach and/or who has the quickest vomit reflex?

In all fairness to that article, the people who brought that up and complained also acquired Olive Garden and overhauled a ton of stuff.

This made me laugh out loud until I saw it was The Onion. Knowing my relatives from the area, I totally believed Milwaukee would vote for Olive Garden.

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