I love Cracked and I tried to watch it, but after a minute he still hadn’t been torn apart by a mob of angry Japanese people and I couldn’t watch any more. I read this article this morning - nothing I hadn’t heard before, but another reminder of how women have to find safe spaces, while men have to avoid dangerous ones. While my initial exposure to feminism wasn’t great (angry young white women who didn’t seem to know what they wanted, but were clear that it was somehow my fault; after a bit I found other voices that were less confrontational and more clear on what the issues were and what my part was in all of this), I honestly do not understand the kind of anger toward women that you can see documented in tweets and elsewhere. It’s like a kind of existential rage that I just can’t relate to. I don’t know if women with experience of living in a few countries can comment, but is it something you see more in the US than elsewhere? Not that it’s confined to there at all, but I’ve met a number of American men who were just toxically resentful toward women. They just cared less about letting that hatred show than other people I’ve seen, and were capable of treating women with less respect without any remorse. I’m going out on a limb a bit, but it seems to be associated with a greater disconnection from society around them and less of a feeling of having control over their own lives. When your value is measured by your success relative to those around you, a gain in another group’s status is seen as a loss for you. More inclusion in the workplace for women means less for men. Women having their own voice means that men’s voice is being silenced. Women being able to say no and successfully prosecute sexual assault is somehow pushing men’s rights back. I don’t want my money to pay for someone else’s healthcare, parental leave or anything else that makes them able to participate fully in society - they might challenge me. It’s all so individualistic and toxic to a society where one group being held back hurts everyone.
Personally, I have many selfish reasons to value feminism. I want a society where women are able to succeed and are more represented in management and government - I don’t think the old white men represent me or care about me, even if I am in their demographic (apart from age). More diversity is a good sign that issues that affect normal people will be addressed. I want to have more opportunity to connect with my family and not have to give my life to my work - feminists seem to be more keen to let me do that and I specifically chose my career because I didn’t want to go to an office environment where my requests for flexible time are denied out of hand or considered to be evidence of my lack of commitment. I have a great father who was away too much during my childhood, and I don’t want to turn into him in that regard. More men in my position as the main childcarer would mean that men would be less likely to be expected to give their lives to their work, and workplaces would have to incorporate family life more into their employment models. Where abusers are brought to justice and women are treated better, this makes women less likely to see me as a threat and increases my connection to others in society. Individual rights and opportunities for women for their own sake are important parts of a healthy society, but a more socialist and feminist model is very good for me as a member of the demographic that supposedly has the most to lose. Where hyper-masculine models are eroded, I have more chance of being accepted for showing weakness or emotion, and men are less likely to direct negative feelings outward to other people rather than accepting and dealing with them. It just doesn’t have to be a competition and I cannot understand why more people don’t see the benefits of more equality and inclusion.
