Rabid Raccoon
Walked into a room
Only to find…ARRRRRRSSSHHWWARRRBBLE.
This American Life has a similar – and very frightening – story of a woman attacked by a rabid raccoon. It’s in this episode: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/319/transcript
Strangling a rabid raccoon with my bare hands has been a lifelong fantasy of mine. Also, gutting an attacking cougar with my car key and eating raw its still beating heart. But few of us are that lucky. Remember, if it’s rabid it’s the animal equivalent of a zombie, and there’s no karma…
If you are attacked by rabid zombie animals - that is precisely your karma.
Dedicated vegetarian/animal lover here. I had no second thoughts about shooting a rabid skunk on my property when it threatened my pets; that poor bastard was already dead before he stumbled onto my yard.
“did the deadly thing”
Best phrase. This is action movie dialogue right here, people
I would like to just say, I am not into killing animals in general (except rarely as food).
But I wouldn’t lose sleep over having to kill one.
Racoons are assholes, rabid or not.
“I stayed with it and did the deadly thing.”
“Fuck that muthafucka”, she continued.
(Cracks knuckles, loads gun)
It’s time to kick ass and strangle rabid raccoons,
and I’m all out of ass…
Possibly because I live on another continent, I just think they look awfully cute.
When you come at the Master, you best not miss.
She won’t buy a drink while I’m in the room, raccoons are the worst. The. Worst.
They are awful cute, until you spend a few years dealing with them throwing your garbage all over your yard. Begging for scraps, stealing all your food while camping.
You can’t even shoo them away with a BB Gun. That just makes them mad. Real mad. I’ve been very close to being in this lady’s situation before because I tried to take a stand against the bastards.
You know how cats will take it out on their owners if they are mad at them? It’s like that. But Racoons basically have thumbs and can manipulate people-built contraptions like doorknobs and handles and things. They are really hard to keep out of your stuff.
Which continent are you on? Because Japan and Germany both have Asshole Racoon problems now, mainly for thinking they were cute and importing them as pets.
Nuisances aside, they really are pretty amazingly resilient animals.
Australia. We have possums, which locals seem to dislike as a rule but I still find them exciting. They do make some unearthly sounds in the night, though.
Possums are the worst. If I leave my door open at night they walk into my house and go through the garbage. One night, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt a terrible pain in my big toe. Turns out a possum was biting my toe, trying to work out if I was edible.
Every night they have gang wars. They sound like a hot water system malfunctioning.
Man this story is like deja-vu.
T’ai chi master?
Did she strangle it veeeeerrrrrrrryyyyy slooooowwwwwly?
And yes, raccoons are the cockroaches of the urban animal kingdom. My grandmother shot one on her farm at least 6 times then hit it with the rifle until the stock broke.
I though cockroaches were the cockroaches of the urban animal kingdom.
This reminds me of what happened to the mugger who attacked an elderly man in London (before the Internet). His mistake was in attacking General(ret’d) Gerald Templar, who was armed with an umbrella. As I recall, he wasn’t so much arrested as taken into protective custody.
In homage to Terry Pratchett we should recite Rule 1: "“Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men”. To this we should add “and also not at all bald elderly women.”
