The level of misanthropic “magnificent bastardry” that goes into marketing and getting rich off of selling these things is awesom (you magnificent bastard I salute you).
If the child of my intended parent/target/victim was a screamer and +/- into spiders, my wife and i would be totally sending one to her kid
As it is i’m still sticking to a modified wiggles guitar with added distortion, and a feature that makes it go off randomly at full volume between 1:40 & 3:15 AM
But i love spiders
Back when I was the official toy assembler for the family, I discovered that a bit of disassembly was usually needed first in order to remove any noise-making components.
ETA pro tip: epoxy lengths of inner tube to Big Wheel tires to muffle the god-awful sound of one being ridden around in circles on the paved driveway (which just happens to be under your bedroom window) at too-early-on-a-weekend-morning o’clock.
Yes, when the store is sold out of drum kits, at least.
The yelling aspect would get annoying quickly, but the product design is cute:
I’m so glad my kid has hit that age where’s she too ‘grown’ for stuff like this, but then again, I’m the kind of parent who takes the battery out of the loud, irritating toys which other people insist on giving as gifts.
her son was scared of the toy and that it actually fed off her kid’s “screams of terror”
I was thinking that clearly the designer of this was not only not a parent, but clearly hates parents and was setting out to torture them, but obviously they hate kids, too.
Hold my Aunt’s beer. She gave me one of these when I was 7ish:
I dunno, seems like there’s something missing. In my exprience, first they scream, then they wack the spider - so the spider needs a proper smoosh noise.
Just a fair warning:
Girlchild is the target age for this product and would love it to bits. Something that you get to follow you by being a loud spaz? Heaven!
If any of you sick bastards get one for her, or even show a commercial to her, I will infect a horde of raccoons with nasty diseases, and throw them over the shower door while you’re attending to your cleaning rituals.
This product is 9000 degrees of parental pain.
No power source, and the toy won’t work.
Of course, that probably won’t stop a kid from yelling at it like a maniac, trying to activate it…
Certainly wouldn’t stop mine from yelling at it. Until the point that her 7yr old brain realizes that it’s out of juice, then heads into the garage for a screwdriver to get into the battery case.
(the whole screwing the battery case shut to keep kids out thing is something I’ve never really understood as kids toys universally use tiny screws to fasten the battery case, supposedly to keep kids away from batteries. Yet, another common set of toys is the “fake tools” variety which essentially trains them how to use cartoony versions of hand tools…)
I’m also not above cutting wires and other toy sabotage.
Ah, the old “clear fingernail polish over the battery terminal” trick… (when kids learn how to replace batteries).
"I’m sorry honey, if those are new batteries, I guess the talking Dora guitar that your uncle gave to you is broken "
You know what is needed (and probably exists but I’m feeling lazy), if a Youtube channel full of helpful parent toy modification tips like this.
Shouldn’t that be yelling Dora guitar? I’ve never known Dora to use her inside voice.
(EDIT: I think I first heard that hear on the BBS)
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