What about Captain Merrill Stubing? Low on the âcan kick your assâ scale, but extremely high on the âwell-run shipâ scale. For example, he never once lost a ship to a Tsunami, or steered too close to shore. Also, he never had to call in the CDCâand he had only one physician on board!
The âDouble Axe Handleâ
I acknowledge that Captain Kangaroo could probably take Johnny Depp in a fight, but I have no idea how capable he is with boats. Iâve spoken to a few captains and itâs my understanding you have to spend a great deal of time on boats to be worthy of the designation of captain.
He was actually Fred âHas no gaps in his career long enough to have been enlisted in the military and wrote all the music in his showâ Rogers
Captain Barney Miller (Itâs all about âperspectiveâ)
Captain Carl, âPee Weeâs Playhouseâ (Phil Hartman)
Captain Edmund Blackadder (Duh)
Captain Kidd (Actually hunted pirates)
Captains Ahab, Queeg, and Wolf Larsen arenât so much badass as, well, a bit driven.
And although not a captain, I want to give Commander USA a shoutout.
Not to mention Captain SpauldingâŚ
His rank is âGeneralâ, because in Star Wars you are given a rank if you are buddies with the royal princess, not if you have a history in the military or display any sort of actual leadership skill or anything as prosaic as that.
You Win Everything 
Iâd pay good money to see that.
Despite Kaylee valiantly keeping the Serenity flyinâ, Captain Mal being perpetually broke didnât get them too much in the way of repairs. Once you get away from Starfleet or the Imperial Navy, there are plenty of ships out there in the 'Verse that are held together with Bondo and good intentions.
Most of the time, he has no ship at all, but I wouldnât want to get into a fistfight with him, let alone a fight of words.
Holy cats, Iâm so glad Iâm not the only one. I still carry my Commander USA fan club card, and have promised to remain an all around good guy forever. Sure!
The finest captains that the British Empire produced:
And, for a time:
And in the bottom left hand corner:
Although at least he can tell you what you could have done to avoid your ship being fucked.
(This was a fun meme to use when teaching the third conditional)
I thought Zapp was a Commodore 64?
