Badass Space Dragon 2.0 - Round 3 - Ship Local

@codinghorror - Please close this thread Thursday , March 12th @ 10am AKST (11am PST). I’m not sure what happened the last couple of times but it appears to have closed around 2am PST.

2 Likes

12 Likes

###No guts no glory!!!


7 Likes

You’d look more like this, no?

6 Likes

Mission Analysis

Mission 1. Only take if you can finance at least six crates of sand fish. Expect to take 30 HP of damage (The Last six captains on this mission suffered 25, 27, 29, 30, 36, and 38 HP damage, respectively). However, due to spoilage risk, roughly a quarter of the crates will spoil, so the likely return per crate is only b15.0

Mission 2 While there is no upfront fee, there is a roughly 40% chance of a speeding ticket. For most captains, engine failure will basically be a coin toss. I would summarize the mission this way: toss coin, either fly free or pay b20.0 Flip another coin to either get the juicy reward or lose 10 HP. Assuming HP cost b2.0 to repair and b4.0 to add to max HP, then success is worth about b80.0, while failure costs b20.0. That suggests MIssion 2.0 has a likely return value of roughly b20.0 Not too shabby.

Mission 3 It’s all about the GRIT. At the moment, a handful of captains have 3 GRIT, just under half have 2 GRIT, and the rest have 1 GRIT. GRIT is hard to come by; only a handful of captains got grit on the last round. Be prepared to suffer 30-40 damage, and not get paid for it.

Mission 4 A non-Unizone Mission. Likely damage of 20 HP, 92% change of success. Big Payout, but it’s unclear where you can spend it. Ella in the past has run a (very expensive) repair shop, so repairs might be available even if Unizone is unhappy with you. Or not. Who knows.

As always, I welcome all Comments, Critiques, and Criticisms on the mission analysis.

Enjoy Life. Make Money. Stay Alive.

9 Likes
+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| Cosmosword               | 73/99   |  27  |  20  |  21  |  23  |  18  |   1    |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b70.0000

The VIP arrives at the Cosmosword. A slimy-looking fellow, some bad-ass Men-in-Black suit-wearing space-lizard, complete with solar visors and suitcase. Browf stands at attention at the gangway.

“Welcome sir. Your room has been prepared for the two day journey to your destination. The onboard computer will provide you with our itinerary, the scheduled meals, and the mini-bar is fully stocked. You are invited to join me at the captain’s table tonight.”

" Ssssorry, but I musssst assssk, doessss your sssship have free… ssssecure wi-ffffiii? I mussssst attend conferensssse callssss for the majority… of the journey… Pleasssse have mealsssss brought to my cabin. Quietly… I must not be… dissssturbed."

Browf nods, and extends his hoofs to shake the MIB’s hand.

The lizard stares at the hoof for a second, blinks one eye, and then the other. Then boards the ship, following the robotic klaxxon-hop to his quarters.

What a class act…

“BAMBI, take us out!”

. . .

“And when the asteroid took out the interstellar relay, he insisted I perform an EVA to repair it.”

“And after we dropped him off, I audited his usage. It turned out he wasted our expensive interstellar network access on streaming holograms from lizardsgonewild.tv. Cost me a pretty penny. And no tip! I should invoice Unizone for his abuse of our services.”

+ UNIZONE CONTRACT FORBIDS INVOICING FOR COMPLIMENTARY SERVICES +

“SHAZBOT!”

. . .

“b500?! That’s almost the price of a new ship! And GRIT is the new HAT! Or is it ‘HAT is the new GRIT’. I don’t know. Browf’s never been one for fashion. But these corduroy pants… I do like them. Did I catch Dakota Hoofington eyeing up the Browf?”

+ SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE OF DUCK'S POND SHOWS THIS IS UNLIKELY +

“Well she did fix my translator. And she was quite the looker, and maybe not too young for Browf. Browf wonders what she likes to do for fun.”

“Down to mission business. With com kits off the market, all missions are dangerous. Meteor showers in Omnomicron. Risks of burning out the engines. Being used as chum by Unizone’s enforcers. And invalidating our Unizone courier licences. This is not great business. Costs are up, profits are low.”

“While I do need to pay off the loan I took out to get this ship to Charybdis, I have made many new friends. Browf doesn’t want to risk the law, but doesn’t want to risk the ship either.”

“But no guts, no glory. Adventure calls, and the quest for GRIT it shall be! Browf’s got something to prove! Let’s catch a lizard tail and put it in our pocket!”

-b10, +2 SH | Unizone Shield Boosters (2 SH)
-b10, +2 SH | Unizone Shield Boosters (2 SH)
-b20, +10 HP | Hull Whole Hole Filler (10 HP)
-b20, +10 HP | Hull Whole Hole Filler (10 HP)
-b0 | Mission 3: Lizard Tail

Edit:

-b5, +1 GRIT (temporary) | Crew fee, Dakota Hoofington

5 Likes

Captain Hermes Conrad here, reporting for duty!

2 Likes

Mission 5 - Sleep In

Mission Cost: 1 GRIT
Restrictions: None
Rewards if Successful: Waking up refreshed
Risks: None

11 Likes

“The hat’s not for me. It’s for my deer step-sister.”

“It’s all part of my master plan:”

META MOOSE FOR SIS.

~ Browf

6 Likes

b100 credit, you say? There’s worse things in life than dying. Being in debt to bad people is one of them. If I’m lucky I’ll find a way not to survive this mission. They might call me an idiot, but they won’t call me a coward. Pontifex! You’ve got too much to live for, so get this stuff installed and get the heck off my ship. Send me a comm when it’s done; I’ll be at Duck’s getting properly drunk for this mission. If any deranged millionaires want to donate to the cause, I’ll beef up my ship until the big lizard just comes in from the backyard and surrenders. Falkayn’s analysis be damned!

b0 | Mission 3: Lizard Tail
b20, +4 FP | Unizone Blasters
b20, +4 FP | Unizone Blasters
b20, +4 FP | Unizone Blasters
b10, +2 SH | Unizone Shield Boosters
b10, +2 SH | Unizone Shield Boosters
b10, +2 SH | Unizone Shield Boosters
b10, +2 SH | Unizone Shield Boosters
b20, +10 HP | Hull Whole Hole Filler
b20 +2 LK | Unizone Lucky Dashboard Bobble

11 Likes

HAT HAT HAT HAT HAT HAT

b0  - Mission 3 - Lizard Tail
b20 - Unizone Blasters (4 FP)
b10 - Unizone Shield Boosters (2 SH)
--------
b9.4000 remaining
14 Likes

“Who expects couriers to buy the things they’re contracted to deliver?”

I’m guessing the mission cost here represents fuel/food/dock fees/etc-- i.e. various operating costs. Couriers still have to cover the interim logistics.

4 Likes

"Lt. Rockford.

I need you to dash down to the Unizone Quik-Aieeeeeee-Mart and pick up one, no make that two Lucky Dash bobbles. The snow globes if they have them.

And see if they still have those Cloaking Devices on the “2 for 1” sale like last week? Either way, get two and that should do.

Also, see if that Unizone Comm Equipment recall covers our comms? That echo is still there and I keep hearing a beep every now an then.

And, yes, thank you, my Antlers do look radiant."

“What are we doing? We are ZepEx Express … of course we’re delivering those hot pockets while their centers are still molten!”

4 Likes

Mission 2 - Max HP

b20 - Unizone Lucky Dashboard Bobble (2 LK) x2

Not too enamored of any of my options, so I’ll take the one that’ll fail most gracefully. Even though fail it will.

Ella’s reputation precedes her, I’m afraid. Not working for ICUP stooge and war profiteer, no matter how she might like to present herself.

2 Likes

b10 | Mission 3 - Lizard Tail
b20, +4 FP | Unizone Blasters (4 FP)
b10, +2 SH | Unizone Shield Boosters (2 SH)

A moose’s rack may hang many hats and there are few things finer than a hat on each tiner. If there is no coin in this I will resort to drowning my sorrows in these fine casks of honeywine which make for a very lumpy and uncomfortable bedding, and yet I still feel compelled to sleep with them in the cargo bay.

Lenders to be - ready your rates, for empty pockets lie ahead!

Anyone else facing down Nilah - I’ll be doing my best to fly interference and attract attention, but these damn Quaadhox virtual resistors seem to be the source of the com kit issue, THANK YOU UNIZONE, may our partnership continue to flourish like the yeast infection that will rot out my hide when I get blasted and grounded planetside because I’ve lost the zippity do in my speederoo.

7 Likes

[Lazlo perambulates into Duck’s Pond, antennae held in a stately manner]

“By the Hell of the Cold Death, that was a weird gig.”

[When pressed for details, Lazlo pauses. After a moment of particular concentration, he continues]

“So, eighteen pilots for eighteen execs, right? Buncha spacers signed on given the possibility of that sweet, sweet gratuity, right? Didn’t ever think I’d draw the lucky spindle. Just wanted a chance to demonstrate what the Didn’t See That Coming was capable of. Maybe grease the nacelles of a deal somewhere later on down the wormhole, right?”

“After a bit, it’s clear that this particular exec has never been in a hot sector. So I start recountin’ a few choice tales. Oh don’t gimme that look - you’d have played it up too. Yeah - maybe they were embellished a bit, but it was artistic license, not shabby fabrication. Didn’t claim anythin’ what hadn’t been done, right?”

“Anyway, I’d just fired a pointcast to the local minin’ district to get an official approach vector. We’d both locked our autopilots onto the vector, when outta nowhere comes this rock with way more v than it has any right to. Miz Exec doesn’t see it, but my AI sniffs it out. Can’t get a lock, so I cut a straightforward coronal wingback for a physical intercept and take it on the hull. All standard escort protocol, right?”

“Miz Exec says it’s the craziest thing she’s ever seen. Invites me to dinner. I say ‘sure’. When someone with a Unicorp Onyx Chit says ‘free grub’? The only answer is ‘you betcha’.”

“So we’re tuckin’ in at this posh joint and she insists on lettin’ me call the shots. For a lark, I suggest the plasma-braised sandfish and the cheapest bottle of Kardashev II eigenmead on the menu. Hotshot doesn’t even bat an eyestalk. Eyeball. Whadyacall 'em.”

“Turns out she’s just a junior exec and a bit low on mass for this sort of thing. Halfway through the bottle, she’s three containment fields to the solar wind. Lets her guard down. So I pour ‘er another, right? Now we’re gettin’ somewhere.”

“Here’s where it gets weird.”

“This exec claims that the Bluefish Day Slug Race was actually a big meta-joke. That the Unicorp execs were gettin’ together to make their own bets. Only instead of bettin’ slugs, they’re placin’ bets on us. Nine slugs - eighteen execs, it’s this weird supersymmetry. Not placin’ bets to win, but placin’ bets to survive. Forty spacers in, N spacers out, right? Big chits on the table - pot is hundreds of SpaceBits. Now we’re not talkin’ StarBits. We’re talkin’ SpaceBits. Apparently, it ain’t fun if it ain’t at least three orders of magnitude more expensive for these types.”

“And I just blanch. I figure she’s crackin’ my shell, right? So bottoms up to my eigenmead and suddenly all that spacer bravado just spills out. Explainin’ how exackly I’m gonna be crushin’ the hulls of ten-bit pirates, pushin’ dangerous cargoes outta the worst gravity wells, and comin’ out the other side smellin’ like a holoceleb an’ wearin’ the shiniest hat in all creation.”

“Awright, so maybe I forgot just how bloody potent K2 eigenmead was. Ya can’t blame me fer tryin’. I don’t remember much of anything after that.”

“Anyways - I wake up the next cycle, shell throbbin’, to discover my incidentals have been covered. And the last transaction on the docket? Says: ‘Go the distance, Scuttle. (b+60)’.”

[Duck sighs and wrings out a sponge-rat, waggling an antler at Lazlo]

“Yeah, I know Duck. Make it a double. Can’t make claws or tails of it. You tell me. I’ve told ya everything I know.”

13 Likes

Mission 4 Note: Captains hauled the maximum load they could afford with Unizone credit. Sorry about the smell, gotta keep those sand fish shipping.

“You did what?

4: While it was not in his missive, we…overheard Cpt. Falkayn negotiating a rather…interesting utilization of Unizone parts credit towards trade cargo.

5::8: It would seem he knows even more than he lets on in his newsletter. Your directive before entering sensosleep was to make repairs, upgrade shields, then load as much cargo as we could afford. We did so. The buyers seem very happy with our delivery.

“Well, I did say that. Hm. Falkayn. That guy’s got more angles than a hypercubist portrait. I’m not sure I totally trust him, but at least his motivations are very clear (glancing at his HUD’s 'bit counter). Anyway, it’s kind of hard to argue with results like this.”

“In time, you may find your PUTs demonstrating remarkable initiative. If you have established a good rapport with your ship, you will find its PUTs anticipating your needs and interests and acting accordingly. If you notice this occuring, congratulations! You and your PUTs are becoming a team!”

-from Chapter Seven of Ninth Brain: Getting The Most Out Of Your StarMollusk

8 Likes

Not to shoot myself in the foot but wasn’t this supposed to be slathered round some gears somewhere?

+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| SLS Say Monkey           | 51/96   |  20  |  29  |  23  |  23  |  25  |   2    |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b96.9000
Item | Fishing Pole

That last mission was a long trip with a cargo hold full of sandfish. I don’t think I’ll be doing that again, especially with my atmosphere scrubbers on the fritz. Still, besides the smell, it was a fairly uneventful courier job. Feeling really hungry for some reason though.

After those pirates and meteors there’s not too much left of the Say Monkey’s outer plating. A couple of whole hole fillers should pretty much fix it up. The tech in the service bay said most of the damage would “buff right out” but I don’t know how you can buff out a hole. Still, if you can’t trust a Unizone mechanic, who can you trust eh?

I think this time around I need to pursue something a bit more …interesting. Capt Information is off to bag a space lizard.

Purchases:
b20 - HP | Hull Whole Hole Filler (10 HP)
b20 - HP | Hull Whole Hole Filler (10 HP)
b20 - Unizone Blasters (4 FP)

Mission:
Mission 3 - Lizard Tail

Ship to Ship Transfers:
give @bizmail_public b30.00
(You’d better be playing straight with me Falkayn. Space lobsters have been known to hold a grudge)

10 Likes

Won’t lie, those were some smelly sandfish, but between the delivery and the bonus, now its time for the Blazer to experience something a little more extreme. That and the smell of spoiled sandfish…ugh! I can only bear “gym reflexes” mode for so long. That said…

Sign me up for…

Augment the ship with…

b20 HP I Hull Whole Filler
b10 Unizone Shield Boosters

Ship to Ship Transfers

b15 to @bizmail_public.

If only I didn’t rewire my dry-cleaning android…but it had to be done. All systems go!

3 Likes