Badass Space Dragon 2.0 - Round 3 - Ship Local

Captain Mrs. Richard Basehart, commander of the S.O.L. Jr., walks into Duck’s, a stunned look on her face. She sits at the bar and heaves a giant sigh.

Duck, I’ll need some booze, and lots of it. Something that’ll erase the last mission from my memory. Something that’ll burn out a few circuits. Something that’ll make me unsee this.

She extends her claw across the bar towards Duck. It’s clutched so tightly around a crumpled piece of thick paper that Duck has to help her loosen her grip. She bangs her head on the bar as Duck smoothes out the paper and takes a look.

I’m gonna have to burn what’s left of my quarters. The bed… ohhhhh, the bed… all my stuff, ruined… damn clown…

Duck’s eyes widen as he sees what’s printed on the paper. He quickly pours a large mug of something black and smoky, and pushes it across the bar.

7 Likes
  • b20 - HP | Hull Whole Hole Filler (10 HP) {X 2}
  • Mission 3 - Lizard Tail

Niiiilaaaaahhhhhh…

4 Likes

Well, the screen door is broken again, right side thermal exhaust port is woefully exposed to any sort of skywalking riffraff, and now I’ve got way too much Velveeta relative to the amount of tomato ketchup in the galley. Plus I’m three payments behind on the USSS Rustbucket and my tab at Duck’s is maxed out. I’ve got to get some starBits together, so off I go on a milk run with Mission 4. What could possibly go wrong?

7 Likes

To the Hilt

StarBits: b9.4000

-b0.0 | Mission 2: Max HP
-b20. | Hull Whole Hole Filler (10 HP)

1 Like

“Dakota, it’s good to have you aboard! Welcome to the crew of the Cosmosword.”

“Duck, on fear of my life from both you and Dakota, I sincerely promise no funny business. Browf is and will remain honourable. And she’s probably too young for me anyhow.”

5 Likes

This has been a sour week,
Unizone executives seem to be part of a tight assed cult called the Opus Day,
they took offense when I offered them some psy-fun,
no tip for me.

Now I’m at high risk of engine failure,
so I’ll end up as a sitting duck,
doing my best impression of a Exxan,
I’ll get a bunch of guns,
and if everything goes alright,
a Hat to match.

7 x Unizone Blasters (4 FP), -140b
Mission 3 - Lizard Tail

7 Likes

Mission 3!
b10 - Unizone Shield Boosters (2 SH)
b20 - Unizone Blasters (4 FP)
b20 - HP | Hull Whole Hole Filler (10 HP)

Lets hope my luck plays a part to this!

It appears i was charged a credit fee from last mission, when i shouldn’t have as I had sufficient star bits! If this is correct, please add another Unizone Shield Boosters (2 SH)

2 Likes

WIth 13 hours to go:

Mission 1: 1 Captain,(Lazlo ‘Scuttle’ Deepwalker)
Mission 2: 3 Captains (Milton “Mackey” MacMichael, Watford Gap, Hieronymus Farnsworth)
MIssion 3: 11 Captains
Mission 4: 5 captains.

At this point, 20 captains have not selected missions, which is unusually high. Perhaps S’rah Kline of The Colour Bomb has seeded an idea with her thesis [organised non-participation becomes viable as tool for corralling unizone behaviour][1].

To help the half of captains who have not yet chosen a mission:

assuming b2.0 to repair 1 HP of damage, an crude estimate of the likely average profit of each mission is:

Mission 1: 5 * (number of crates) - 60
Mission 2: b20
Mission 3: -b70
Mission 4: b50

If you take mission 3, you are basically paying b35 bp for each point of Grit.

For Mission 1 to pay as well as mission 4, one needs to carry 22 crates. Which just happens to be what Captain Lazlo is carrying. However, because Mission 1 has no chance of complete failure, it’s the better deal.

Enjoy Life. Make Money. Stay Alive.
[1]: Badass Space Dragon - Duck's Pond - #147 by Agfish

3 Likes

mission orders for Muddlin’ Through

b56.5 starting balance
+b30.0 community loan from @uphill
+b15.0 community loan from @PromptedInk
-b50.0 MIssion 4: Priceless Artifacts
-b20.0 2 x Unizone Shield Boosters (+4 SH)
-b20.0 | Hull Whole Hole Filler (+10 HP)
-b10.0 Unizone Cloaking Device (+2 ST)
+1 Item | Unizone Keychain

b1.5 ending balance

2 Likes

Typical - a promise of mystery and adventure turns out to be a smelly, messy, and laborious cargo haul, with an antique fishing pole as a reward. Oh, quick note - remind me to clean my rear-view laser deflectors.

I overheard a space moose at Duck’s say something about giving a moose a fish and teaching a fish to moose. To be honest it didn’t really make any sense but the other moose at the table seemed to consider it wise. I’ll take what I can get around here so I’m going to consider this fishing pole to be a good omen.

Back on Mars, our ancestors had the foresight to abandon the contentious license-plate-based economy of Earth. Stories survive from the 21st Earth-century of anonymous corporations’ endless greed for imaginary license plates at the cost of stomping out any humanity remaining in society, ultimately leading, of course, to apocalypse and sand worms (remind me to give that to Duck as a name for a new cocktail).

So here I am who knows how many lightyears away, and I’m stuck in an endless debt cycle. It’s so bad that I can’t even afford to take the way out that’s arrived, Ella, who sounds very friendly. I’m not that excited about delivering more sandfish, and I don’t think my ship is good enough for a speed run (I can’t afford any significant upgrades).

That leaves me with one choice. It’s all or nothing. I’m going all-in with all the debt I can saddle (they raised the credit limit on my Unizone card!).

GRIT and glory.

+———————————————————————————————————————+———————————————————————-———————————————+
////Unizone PayBot Receipt			  	  	    ROUND TWO////
+———————————————————————————————————————+———————————————————————+———————————————+
|SHIP NAME: PLEIADES 360		| REGISTRY: MARS	|		|
+———————————————————————————————————————+———————————————————————+———————————————+
|CUSTOMER: PHUONG NGUYEN		| AFFILIATION: UNIZONE PARTNER		|
+———————————————————————————————————————+———————————————————————-———————————————+
|										|
|PARTNER PARTS PURCHASED:		CREDIT:					|
|										|
|-HULL WHOLE HOLE FILLER x6		-b120.0000				|
|-UNIZONE BLASTERS x2			-b40.0000				|
|-UNIZONE SHIELD BOOSTER		-b20.0000				|
|										|
+———————————————————————————————————————+———————————————————————-———————————————+
|										|
|MISSIONZONE ACTIVITY:			CREDIT:					|
|										|
|-SELECTED MISSION 3								|
|										|
+———————————————————————————————————————+———————————————————————-———————————————+
|										|
|				TOTAL:	-b180.0000				|
|		       PAYMENT METHOD:   UNIZONE CARD				|
|					+b100.0000				|
|		       PAYMENT METHOD:	 DIRECT CREDIT				|
|					+b80.0000				|
|	 SIGNATURE:								|
+————————+—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-————+——————————-+
|	 |	 _ __                   _ __                  	    |		|
|	 |	( /  )/                ( /  )                 	    |		|
|	 |	 /--'/_ , ,___ _  _,    /  /_, , ,__  ,_ _ _  	    |		|
|	 |	/   / /(_/(_) / /(_)_  /  ((_)(_// (_/(// / /_	    |		|
|	 |	                  /|        /|      /         	    |		|
|	 |	                 (/        (/      '         	    |		|
+————————+—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-————+——————————-+
|										|
|	REMAINING BANK BALANCE: 	b1.5000					|
|	UNIZONE CARD AVAILABLE CREDIT:	b0.0000					|
|										|
|										|
+———————————————————————————————————————+———————————————————————-———————————————+
|										|
|				 HOW DID WE DO?					|
|		      TAKE OUR SURVEY TO BE ELIGIBLE TO WIN			|
|			       A Ƀ.100 GIFT CARD!				|
|										|
|				YOUR CASHIER WAS:				|
|				      MOMO					|
|										|
+———————————————————————————————————————+———————————————————————-———————————————+
|										|
|		      PARKING VALIDATED - NO ACTION REQUIRED			|
|										|
|				    THANK YOU					|
|				HAVE A UNIZONE DAY				|
|										|
+———————————————————————————————————————+———————————————————————-———————————————+

Executive summary:

/*
* Hull Whole Hole Filler X6 (+60 HP) b120
* Unizone Blasters x2 (+8 FP) b40
* Unizone Shield Boosters (+ 2 SH) b20
* Total b180 (80 cash, 100 credit, b1.5 remaining cash)
* Mission 3
*/
9 Likes

Oh, art, how lovely. I’m not a huge fan of Brad Nebula but I always try to support the arts when I can, and I do so love archaeology and ancient art. Plus, this Ella fellow seems quite lovely - she served me hot tea when I came in, in a manner that suggested that she’d already asked me what I wanted, which is odd. Truly I really would like some honeywine - my last mission was rather a disappointment on that front. Surely some friendly fellow captain with more luck than I in this regard will share with me. You know the sensation it gives is really just so lovely. Oh. Where was I? Ah yes. I am not sure if Ella will allow me to carry out her mission if she checks my space credit report and sees that I’m carrying any Unizone debt, as I forgot to ask in my haste to find that honeywine. Oh, I believe that moose is carrying a cask into the turbolift over there. Sir? Sir? Blast, the door closed.

Mission 4

7 Likes

[quote=“penguinchris, post:93, topic:53311”]
sand worms
[/quote]Sand worms? That’s nothing but an old spacer’s tale. Who would believe such a thing. And an economy based on license plates? Ridiculous. I don’t believe anyone would be so foolish.

4 Likes

@patrace


The Foil HP57/99|FP21|SH27|EN26|ST23|LK20|GRIT3


  • b10 - Unizone Shield Boosters (2 SH) x6
  • b20 - HP | Hull Whole Hole Filler (10 HP) x2
    ====
    b.100

Mission 3 - Lizard Tail
Unizone has reason to believe a dangerous space lizard has been hijacking shipments, your ship will be used as a decoy to draw her out.

Mission Cost: None
Restrictions: This mission is open to any ship.
Reward for Capture: (Highly Unlikely) b500, +1 HAT
Reward for Attempt to Capture: +2 GRIT, ???
Risks: Face Nilah (1-70 HP based on FP, EN & SH)


We still need to discuss the small matter of my misuse of the deferment policy as it relates to temporally-skewed access parameters insofar as they pertain to the generative processes responsible for the resultant physical characteristics of my ship. A dram and a cigar sometime perhaps? Cubans, y’know.

3 Likes

Scene One

Papers are signed, transfer codes enabled, protocols uploaded. Catering and housekeeping sweep through a set of crew quarters, gussying them up: the first officer’s quarters turned into a modest “stateroom”. Crew cabins 4-12 assigned to members of the Chief Space Officer’s entourage. Except for cabin 7. There’s no cleaning that one, and Jacques doesn’t have the time or energy to explain, he just marks it off with yellow hazard tape.

Lots of muscle, a few simpering yes-men. Cuff links show the man to be a proud space bro-frat alum.
S A E
Jacques can’t help but observe that he doesn’t have any space moose working for him.

Shortly after jump they invade the bridge. The CSO is all smiles, the entourage arrange themselves behind him more seriously. This is not going to be good, Jacques thinks, but stays quiet. The CSO has his best “buddy-buddy, now here’s what you’re going to do for me” swagger going. He plops himself down in the helmsman’s seat and swivels it jauntily to face Jacques.

“So, a-migo, slight change of plans-you know how these things go. We’re going to need you to swing by Sector 6, where we’ll be picking up some, ah, additional travellers.”

Sector 6 is notorious for brothels of questionable integrity.

“We’re also going to need all surveillance systems on this craft disabled. And also all databanks turned over to my man here. Don’t want any…indiscretions…to occur, you catch my drift?”

Some of the entourage are now grinning.

“Also, we’ll need the additional travellers returned after we reach our destination. Returned where, we don’t care!” Laughter. “And of course meticulous cleanup. I can give you a card for a reliable service.”

As he turns, one of the yes-men is digging in his pocket for something. This is when he notices the thick layer of dust on the helmsman’s console. He glances around nervously…dust covers every part of the bridge, save where Jacques sits. His hand picks up something on the bottom of the seat as he turns, he looks at it: sudden pungent iron-rich odor, the crumbly dark blue-black consistency. Dried blood. His face turns pale. The remaining entourage begin to realize that something is not quite right.

Jacques stares at him, silently.

“I, uh, I mean, we understand, right, each…”

Jacques snaps his fingers. The T.A.R.O.T. panel rises and unfolds from the floor. The bridge lights dim further, and the peculiar blue glow illuminates his face as he checks the display.

“All systems are functioning. We will arrive at our destination on schedule in 58.45 space hours,” Jacques announces.

The CSO and his men remain in their quarters for the rest of the trip. He only sees them again when they disembark. Later he learns that a significant tip is usually part of these jobs, but he’s not too bothered to lose it.


Scene Two

Jacques ponders the “coffee” he has been served at Duck’s. It smells like something that was, at some point, related to the process of coffee. And it is a black liquid, albiet something of a greasy, green-tinted film floats on the top. But most importantly the beige ceramic totem, placed strategically on the table of his booth, will allow him to work undisturbed by solicitous waiters for the rest of the afternoon. This, after all, is coffee’s most important function. Also, that first, nearly abortive, sip, just to assuage his curiosity, had probably provided him with enough caffeine to last the day.

All about him the clicking of lobster mandibles, the chatter of humans, the hissing of lizards, and the occasional bugle. Individual conversations indistinct, but to Jacques, a symphony of space. He is at home.

Non-prescription reading glasses perched on his nose, Jacques began to review his tablet. Starting with a rolling-recall notice from Unizone.

“Merde-bâtards.”

He knows at this point that he needs to resupply his ship for a general strategy, not so much geared to any of the open missions. Given the recall, however, the missions are looking questionable in terms of profit. Sit this one out maybe?

Current balance: b63.0000

-b10 - Unizone Shield Boosters (2 SH) x2
-b20 - Unizone Blasters (4 FP)

Subtotal: -b40.0000

New balance: 23.0000

But where, Jacques wonders, will T.A.R.O.T. take him next?

[Judgement]

On the darkened bridge Jacques eyes widen, and he grips the armrests.

Mission 3 - Lizard Tail


Scene Three

Two days in space now. Sitting. Sitting like a canard. Boredom and stress, somehow simultaneously. The ship is so quiet, it is as though he were floating in space itself. Would that he were transporting priceless art pieces! That would be a thrill indeed. And then a thought strikes him. Jacques opens the hyperspace comm relay channel.

“To any capitaine transporting works of art: I am prepared to pay a sum of b20.0, to be divided evenly amongst all capitaines who stop by my coordinates and offer me a private showing on their way to Sandfish VII.”
@jlw @davide405 @PromptedInk @greenglyph @Old @bizmail_public @micaela


"Captain" Jacques Malchance The Entropy
8 Likes

**bzzzzzzzzz..... WHUH?? O! dang space-narcolepsy. That’s what I get for trying on those pointy boots and listening to that music with the weird horns.

 

Mission 3
Unizone Lucky Dashboard Bobble
Unizone Shield Boosters
Unizone Cloaking Device

By the 144 Space Godlings and their Celestial Winged Chariots flying above the 6 Eternal Hexes of the 2 Warring Hives: I AM TIRED and fain would lie down.

The Not Worthy hasn’t even refolded hizzelf in a week or more. I pointed this out, and he said

taunting me with those d**n boots, again…


One last piece of advice for crazy space lizards or space bears or tailless space scorpions out there:

#DON’T MESS WITH THE BEE YOU’LL GET THE HORNS

 


[Je suis venu ici pour botter le cul et obtenir le pollen, et je ne peux trouver aucune pollen.]

5 Likes

Here ya are!

3 Likes

Oh!

1 Like

[Lazlo checks the timestamp on his chronometer again and peers about for @Slaal @Demiurgus @agfish @shiftynick @bradfordbenn @awjt ]

“Ain’t no minute like the last minute, but phew! Some folks sure do like to cut it close.”

3 Likes

These artworks are meant for public display; I have no problem sharing them with an appreciative public. However, I must strictly obey the Common Carrier provisions. Captain “Mackey” @funruly is the local expert.

Also, I would be irresponsible to subject these irreplaceable cultural artifacts to unnecessary risk, so I can’t drop by the exact co-ordinates where you are sitting decoy. I could swing by a nearby, agreed upon location you could pop over to while sitting decoy that would be lower risk for the artifacts (and my ship).

-Falkayn

1 Like

Yikes! Thanks. Trouble getting out of my cot these days, my recent bionic enhancements to my carapace are exceedingly heavy and leaving the weightless sections of my ship has become a much rarer occurrence.

2 Likes