Yes, it is! Portsmouth Abbey alumni here!
Portsmouth Middle School warns parents about Smartie-snorting epidemic and the risk of nasal maggots
Portsmouth, RI is one of those places that lives in a bubble of its own making (like a lot of other wealthy communities in the United States). I should know⌠raised there, schooled there, prominent member of society there, glad I left.
Do that mean you want to bring back tokens for the Bristol Bridge?
What makes Rhode Island a strange place- and I was raised there- is how local it is. Portsmouth is a radically different place from Woonsocket, Providence, Warren, and theyâre all different from each other. I can tell which part of Rhode Island youâre from just by listening to your accent⌠from a state thatâs approximately 40x40 miles. Yeah, what kind of drugs you use depends on which part of the state youâre living in or from.
Yeah, there have been definite cases of students soaking tampons in vodka and sticking them up their anuses or vaginas, so that they could get drunk during school. Itâs a real thing, unfortunately.
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I was indulging in a bit of hyperbole⌠I donât want the toll booths back, and I certainly donât want sugar searches.
RI can indeed be a strange place.
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That just seems wacky from my perspective as someone whoâs lived on the west coast his whole life. I canât tell much if any difference in regional accent from Seattle to San Diego.
There are certainly regional dialect differences on the west coast, but the accent is very uniform compared to the east coast.
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Maggots need serious training to sing properly. Their natural inclination is to close the nasal passages when singing. This causes an unpleasant quality in the maggot voice. It is even worse when they laugh though. The maggotâs laugh is not unlike a muleâs. Laughing in a group they can make your flesh crawl.
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I remember âSmartiesâ and alternative spelling âSmarteesâ, made in Canada. They were delicious tart sugar discs looking exactly though maybe a bit smaller than the pictured âRocketsâ. Iâm gonna have to get some tomorrow.
Itâs the gum you have to watch out for. Sure, Big Pink gives you the breath-freshening power of ham, but itâs really just all bones. Spider Yum sounds great, but not all those eggs are spider eggs. âŚAnd Oozy Fruit is the worst; those bastards put tomatoes in there!
Sorry, I know that I was a bit hard on dextrose - I will try to moderate my sugar prejudice in future postings.
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Um, hate to be pedantic (no, actually I love it, thatâs why Iâm here on BB), but wasnât that the gritty âconversation heartsâ sort of candy. More akin to the aforementioned (and delicious) necco wafers than smarties.
Necco wafers, conversation hearts (sweethearts in my neck of the woods) and smartees are all made out of compressed sugar. Theyâre all equivalent as far as Iâm concerned. We can lump in candy cigarettes and flintstones chewable vitamin tablets while weâre at it if youâd like. Although I think those vitamin tablets might actually be mostly calcium carbonate and not compressed sugar.
Anyhow, theyâre all disgusting in my book. If you want to eat compressed sugar pills so badly you could probably find them cheaper at a lab supply website.
I only know of one specific case where someone actually tried it (vaginally): Danielle Crittenden. What she experienced (âburns like the knowledge that Google is foreverâ) strongly militates against the notion anyone else tried it more than once:
So the idea of vaginal ingestion, at least, can safely be put to bed. However, the Snopes article mentions a story of someone who was killed by a sherry enema. (Three liters worth.) So that route is more plausible.
It occurs to me that at this moment I have access to a small selection of liquors of various types, paper towel, sufficient time before I next need to present myself socially, and health insurance. I am, however, lacking in the rectal/testicular fortitude necessary. (I suppose could take a drink to get up my courage.)
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Definite cases. Like some kid really got a cavity search during school hours. And the intruding really official yanked out a tampon, took a good whiff and said, âyup, vodka!â And they went on to report their findings in a way that convinced people - but didnât get their ass fired and sued.
Citation needed.
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Sez you. Still, itâs likely to leave no lasting HARM once you dig the chocolate out of your nose.
Yes, but the maggots appreciate the thought.
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âAllergic reaction â if the child is allergic to sugar, snorting or smoking Smarties can lead to an immediate allergic reaction.â
First : Allergic to SUGAR? Is that a thing? Really?
Second : SMOKING Smarties? If you burn sugar and inhale the smoke, then surely that would be a totally different chemical that wouldnât cause the allergy.
Finally : how do you effectively smoke powdered sugar? My mind boggles. I could imagine melting the sugar down in a teaspoon over a candle and then injecting boiling hot molten sugar into your veins, where it hurts like hell for a short while, then turns into toffee, veins clag, blood flow stops, and you die.
I can foresee a marshmallow smoking warning coming out next. Roasting them properly always involves a bit charring round the edges. And that burnt stuff is carcinogenic. But oh so tastyâŚ
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RI is a strange place. I donât miss the tolls but I miss the toll booths, especially the raccoons that lived next to it that you would always see late at night.
Someone who is from Newport talks differently from someone from Warren, Woonsocket, east Providence, Providence, south Providence, Foster, Glocester (no school!) Pawtucket, etc. Itâs a sociologists wet dream.
