Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2024/06/21/1986-promo-reel-for-cannon-group-films-some-of-which-were-actually-made.html
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Peak 80s that…
Rhey never TOLD us what that was, tho!!!
Lots of stuff from Elroy Leonard, apparently… 
ETA
Fucking YIKES!!!
It would have been set in Turkey!!! 
This one too, looks pretty cringe…
What? Also adapted by Norman Mailer?
Isn’t this just Short Circuit (which came out that year)?
Also… looks like AI managed to perfect time travel…
Oh god one of those “white kid goes on an African safari and makes BFFs with a great ape” films…
Also. Orangutans aren’t African… 
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Even knowing they didn’t make all of these, I was still discombobulated, wondering which I had missed, which I was mis-remembering as having existed… Show this to someone who watched movies in the '80s and pretend they were all made, and you’d get a hell of a Mandela Effect going on.
No kidding. Someone eventually came to their senses, apparently.
I imagine it was originally a chimp, someone decided chimps were played out, and figured, “ah, no one will know the difference…” We’re just lucky it wasn’t a kangaroo.
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Or they could have been trying to spring board off those Clint Eastwood movies that had an orangutan…
Okay, they do look awful sweet…
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Ran the list through ChatGPT just to see what actually got released:
- Over the Top starring Sylvester Stallone - Released in 1987.
- La Brava starring Dustin Hoffman - This project was not released.
- Superman IV: The Quest for Peace starring Christopher Reeve - Released in 1987.
- Unnamed John Travolta movie - No specific project identified; unable to verify.
- Spider-Man live-action movie - No live-action Spider-Man movie released in 1986; the next significant release was in 2002.
- Kick and Kick Back starring Chuck Norris - No film by this name in 1986.
- 52 Pick-Up starring Roy Scheider - Released in 1986.
- Unnamed Roman Polanski movie - “Pirates” by Roman Polanski was released in 1986.
- Masters of the Universe starring Dolph Lundgren - Released in 1987.
- Housekeeping starring Diane Keaton - Released in 1987, but starring Christine Lahti, not Diane Keaton.
- Street Smart starring Christopher Reeve - Released in 1987, but likely filmed in 1986.
- Duet for One starring Julie Andrews - Released in 1986.
- Rumpelstiltskin starring Amy Irving - No film by this name released in 1986.
- Number One with a Bullet starring Robert Carradine - Released in 1987.
- Zorba starring Anthony Quinn - Refers to the 1964 film “Zorba the Greek.”
- The White Slave starring Louis Gossett Jr - No film by this exact name in 1986.
- Journey to the Center of the Earth - No specific film adaptation identified for 1986.
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 - Released in 1986.
- American Ninja 2 starring Michael Dudikoff - Released in 1987.
- Captain America live-action movie - No widely released Captain America movie in 1986.
- Tough Guys Don’t Dance - Released in 1987.
- North and South presented by George Lucas and Francis Coppola - The TV mini-series “North and South, Book II” aired in 1986.
- King Lear written by Norman Mailer - Associated with a film project but not specifically tied to 1986.
- Citizen Joe - Could not find a movie by this exact name released in 1986.
- Too Much starring Bridgette Andersen - Could not find a movie by this name in 1986.
- Give a Girl a Break - Refers to a 1953 musical film, not 1986.
- Lou Ferrigno - Sinbad - “Sinbad of the Seven Seas” released in 1989.
- It Ate Cleveland - No film by this exact name found.
- River of Death starring John Hamilton - Released in 1989.
- Ben, Bonzo and Big Bad Joe - Could not find a movie by this name in 1986.
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Ah, the glory days of Golan and Globus: a mix of B-movie action pictures; sex comedies and breakdancing movies aimed at teenagers; cruddy sci-fi and fantasy; “classy” erotica; with a few quality films from highbrow directors like Godard and Zeffirelli and Cassavettes thrown in.
For sure. Those two chancers specialised in ripoffs of successful franchises from other studios (e.g the Chuck Norris “MIA” series working off of the Rambo movies).
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52 Pick-Up is worth the watch, check it out!
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Well…no, it wasn’t. Morgan Freeman was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his part in that film, but the film itself wasn’t nominated for anything.
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I love how the Masters of the Universe one, lacking any completed footage, just has the actual action figures waved around in front of a fog machine.
I wonder what happened to the Spiderman movie? I recall renting VHS films back when video stores still existed and seeing a PSA with a live-action Spiderman urging you to vote. I don’t recall if the tapes were Cannon films, but if so, I wonder if they ended up reusing the costume and/or footage from the film for that.
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I miss Cannon Films. Sure they did produce a lot of trash, but it was always fun, creative and entertaining trash.
You don´t see the creativity (for better or worse) they brought to the table in modern Hollywood.
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really worth the watch;
I dont quite remember, but I do think the documentation has this covered.
I guess mostly everyone has a film from their -ahem- Œuvre in his heart; mine would be this little, dirty film with a kinda weird, but great cast;
(wouldnt call it a “black comedy”, though.)
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(faye dunaway and mickey rourke are just amazing in this one, especially together…damn, I really like this film)
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