Well, that just ain’t happening, now is it. Mind I saw maybe 2 minutes of one of these travesties and I was bored to tears.
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[quote=“JonS, post:16, topic:103233, full:true”]Having done a fair bit of flying over the last 12 months, I’ve noticed that the selection of movies - and TV - available is decidedly not what you might call top shelf. Invariably the majority of it is dregs. Which is kind of ok because I seem to suffer some kind of ADHD when I’m on a plane, and really just want visual chewing gum, but even so … a rolling season of GoT would be nice, or a couple of Wes Anderson movies.[/quote]Oddly enough, I finally got the chance to see Plan 9 From Outer Space because it happened to be one of the in-flight movie selections. I think that was an Air Canada flight. I found the film itself to be merely dreary and quite forgettable rather than viscerally awful.
As for this Transformers movie, I suppose I shall have to purchase the inevitable Rifftrax commentary if this is the sort of thing it inspires in reviewers. Also, you know it is going to make hundreds of millions of dollars over the next few weeks regardless of its badness. Apparently the Transformers are responsible for killing Hitler. No, really.
Reading some of these reviews that suggest the previous films really weren’t so bad reminds me of some of the fondness for Speed Racer that emerged when Jupiter Ascending was released.
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Wait, what? The first movie which contained more teen romance than giant robots fighting?
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It reminds me of how my body “transforms” a delicious steak into something else a day later.
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Speed Racer was awesome!
I don’t know what else people wanted from it!
GRAGWAHGWAH!
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Watch it again with a an eye for gay rights… you will notice that the alien men are all swishy and the women quite butch. And the ‘You are all stupid stupid’ speech about we have been here all along but you refuse to recognize us. Also seriously how can you not just love lines like ‘Inspector Clay is dead. Murdered. And somebody is responsible!’
Also there are movies out there that are far far worse and almost painful to watch… trust me.
I finally watched that after listening to the Greatest Move Ever Podcast about it and a gif from @mindysan33. It isn’t a live action movie. It is a cartoon with live actors. I quite liked it and Roger Allam was a wonderfully smarmy villain. Of course I have to cop to willing to watch it for Christina Ricci and Susan Sarandon. I think what hurt it most as far as the standard movie going public was the nonlinear story telling.
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The very first transformers film was bad; and yet somehow watchable. It was filled with just enough good action and sequences to make the dredge in between tolerable.
Chase and fight between barricade and bumblebee. Awesome.
Blackout and scorponok desert moments. Pretty cool to watch.
Highway scene with Optimus and bone crusher. Pretty cool.
Some of the Sam and Mikaela scenes were fun.
The parents were good humor.
Auto bots sneaking around the backyard was funny.
Despite dumb things and bAd plot devices it was watchable. But Michael Bay is an absolute d grade director and producer. Every film since has been a spectacle of shit. Every copy should be burned and bay locked away forever more to prevent him from making more.
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My favourite bit in the first one is where they heroic special forces get hold of the McGuffin in the open, uninhabited desert, free from any opportunities for collateral damage, and then decide to take it in to the heart of a major metropolitan area… and then call in an airstrike. 
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So they can smell.
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I feel kind of guilty that I didn’t go to watch Fast & Furious 8: Fate of the Furious. I’ve watched the rest of the increasingly preposterous series, but could bring myself to face 2hrs 20m + adverts in a cinema. I’ll keep an eye out for it on Netflix.
I am saddened because I am going to be near an IMAX screen this weekend and the only thing playing on it is this turkey. No, thank you.
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SPOILERS! Dude!
Uncool.
The ONLY interesting thing about Transformers. since inception. Is the nifty practical engineering ‘transforming’ bit.
Even the cartoons got that right.
When the movies came out and were all just Terminator 2000-liquid-machine-level ‘little bits of CGI metal flying through the air with no gears, connections or hope of structural integrity’ all that was left was was fantasy-magic. Especially when the fricking volume of the protagonists varied +/- 500%
CGI would have been the most fantastic showcase for “realistic” joints and gears converting a machine from Shape A to Shape B. While paying at least visual lip-service to physics. That would be clever. And do-able.
Fuck, that would have been awesome! Hell, I’ve seen Manga that did that better.
We don’t even need it to be realistically strong or flexible, but if x million $ of film budget can’t figure out how to be more pleasingly clever than a mid-rate cosplay outfit.
TL:DR: The one selling point of transformers was the physically-possible transforming bit. (that we could actually do with our thumbs!)
Self-propelling, magically-reconfigurable liquid metal is just not as cool in the same way.
(Sorry, I imagine there is a fandom thread already dedicated to just this complaint already)
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I walked out of the second after the two black stereotype robots turned into one shitty ice cream truck.
You’ve confused the movies. The first three films had mechanical transformations.
It was transformers age of extinction that began the liquid metal look where small pieces of metal just flew around to reform into a vehicle or robot mode. It was the transformium metal that was used to create the deceptions.
The issue with the transforming has always been “where did the vehicle parts go?” Other than some wheels or doors on auto bots and wings and guns on deceptions. All the vehicle bits seemingly disappear. In fact the only two characters that seem to have the right bits still for vehicle to robot mode are Bumblebee and barricade.
And god help me for knowing any of this. Why is this shit stuck in my brain meat?!???
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I am equally unhappy with myself for even thinking I care at all about it,
I still can’t believe they got… 4 movies out of this disaster of a property. And planning to make more. Just stop.
[quote=“dman, post:33, topic:103233”]The ONLY interesting thing about Transformers. since inception. Is the nifty practical engineering ‘transforming’ bit.
Even the cartoons got that right.[/quote]Except of course for the eternal mystery of where does Prime’s trailer go?
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In a world where Donald Trump gets elected you think there’s a chance of this happening? What color is the air on your planet?
My toy never had a trailer:
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