New Turtles movie sucks


#1

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#2

I hope it’ll be renamed to TMHT in the UK.

So, people who know these things, was this ever any good (i.e. the original comic)? I’m coming at this from the 80/90s cartoon, and from that I wouldn’t expect this to ever be anything other than utter crap.


#3

They also made it PG-13 which probably rules out the primary demographic that would actually be interested. (I suppose that their target audience was old farts that knew them from the cartoon)


#4

I’m just gonna wait for the Prancerize® remix.


#5

The original comic’s quite good, if really really dark compared to the shows. The original ninja turtles comic was a 1980s indie comic, and had their weapons actually draw blood and stuff, it was not a kid’s comic.

Also its implied the radioactive stuff that made them is actually from the same accident that splashed radioactive goo in Matt Murdock’s eyes, they share an origin story with Daredevil.


#6

Except the 2003 cartoon had the other Turtles making fun of Mikey for saying “Cowabunga” and it really worked.

I’m not saying the new movie doesn’t suck. I’m just saying you may have picked the wrong datapoint.


#7

They don’t just share an origin story with Daredevil; the references to the Frank Miller run are pretty overt.

For example, Frank Miller’s Daredevil was trained by a man named Stick and fought a ninja clan called the Hand.


#8

Fuck Michael Bay. Fuck him right in the ass with a rusty pipe.

Two childhood franchises ruined.

Not that the other Turtle movies were that great (the first one was fun). But, god damn it. Why do people keep giving this guy money, and why do people keep going to them. They are nonsensical shit!

The original Mirage comics were great. They were fun, action packed, way less cheesy than the cartoon. Though around 2003ish, they had a cartoon where the reboot turtles (kinda cool looking) met the 80s/90s version via a dimensional warp, and they both journeyed to the Prime universe, which was black and white and drawn like the first comics.


#9

Quoting something I wrote in the comments thread of the linked io9 article:

The original comics have the exuberance of a couple of kids making the comic they want to make based on their favorite parts of the Kirby comics they grew up reading and the Miller comics that were then reinvigorating his characters.

The original cartoon was marketed to the hilt, had an outstanding cast, and was exceptionally well-animated for late-1980’s syndication — and I say that as someone who doesn’t even like it very much.

And the first movie was not just a solid adaptation of the original comics, it had Jim Henson’s magic behind it.

I would add that the 2003 cartoon was a fantastic adaptation of the original comics that fully embraced the sci-fi weirdness, the 2007 movie was a solid character piece with a great cast, and the Archie comic based on the original cartoon was far smarter and more mature than anyone should reasonably have expected. (Seriously, it dealt with environmentalism, world religions, apartheid and other real-world civil unrest – the guy writing it, Steve Murphy, seems to have taken “a comic for kids” as a serious mandate to teach kids about things that mattered to him.)

There were a couple of pretty great video games, too.


#10

You’re thinking of Turtles Forever, which was released in 2009 (for the Turtles’ 25th anniversary). The cartoon it was based on started in '03; that’s probably what made you think it was 2003.


#11

Ah that sounds right. Thanks for the correction.


#12

I’ve read the first few collections of the original comic. I forget exactly how far it went. It wasn’t bad for an '80s indie comic, but it wasn’t as good as people will tell you it is. (Similarly it was “mature” for an '80s comic, but not more so than what you can find in mainstream supers books right now.) It had some pretty solid long-term dramatic storylines (several of which were the basis for the original live-action movie) and a whole bunch of of weird, throwaway filler that no one ever seems to remember (but which inspired a lot of cartoon episodes).

I’m also told that the Archie comics were excellent. This may be true. I looked at a few of the early issues, which featured a rotating cast of absolutely inexcusably godawful artists (radical style change with every issue, all of them terrible!), and never came back.


#13

It takes a lot for me to not even consider pirating a movie because it looks like that much of a piece of shit, but the last few Michael Bay movies have done it. The new, utterly disagreeable look of the Turtles alone made it clear from the start that I was not going to see this.


#14

I’ve never read the comics. From what I know, its extremely different and pretty dark.

The first cartoon ('87-'96) was silly and ridiculous and fun. I have fond memories of it, but I’m fairly certain if I rewatched it, it wouldn’t hold up well. Very cheap animation

The second series ('03-'09) was a pretty good update. After shows like Batman:TAS and such, they realized people liked serious cartoons. So it was a lot less goofy and had more character arcs. It was still very weird. Just look at what happened to Baxter Stockman.

The third series ('12-present) continues the tradition of quality tv updates. They translated it very well to 3D and that has allowed the animation quality to go way up. Great character work and some pretty long running plot threads. It can get a bit kiddy from time to time. And once again, its always weird. Weird, weird, weird, weird, weird. (I had more links, but apparently I’m too new to this to include them :()

Which is why its such a shame they couldn’t get this LA movie right (or even within a galactic orbit of right). There’s a ton of different material to pull from. So many different variations. And they went with “none of the above”. Getting rid of the weird in TMNT is be like getting rid of the magic in Harry Potter. Technically there’s still a movie there, but…


#15

So I mean this as an honest to goodness question. Why go through the trouble of pirating something if you think it will be terrible? Obviously you have no care of spoilers, so there’s no need to watch it right now. And most of this stuff and up streaming somewhere, so you would be able to watch it then. Or borrow it from the one fool you know who bought it.

I’m just curious.


#16

For the same reason that Nicholas Cage keeps getting acting gigs?


#17

[quote=“burymylovely, post:14, topic:38638”]
I’ve never read the comics. From what I know, its extremely different and pretty dark.[/quote]

Quite. First time they met Shredder Leo stuck a sword through his chest. Second, and final, time: decapitation. Raphael had some serious anger issues. Casey Jones was a psychotic vigilante who’d be delighted to break your legs in multiple places for jaywalking across an empty street at night. Stuff like that.


#18

That is another mystery. There are like 10% of his movies where Nic Cage is the perfect actor. The rest of them is proof that he has sex tapes of directors with donkeys or something.


#19

I’m with you. I’m a fan of Rifftrax, and love the stuff they do, but even with their help I cannot get through any of the Transformers films. Utter unwatchable dreck, which seems to be what he loves making. Why will nobody stop him? Think of the children. And everyone else too, actually…


#20

An important thing to remember about the comics is that they were a parody of other comics and a mockery of where they thought comics were headed. That how the whole teenage mutant ninja turtles thing started. It would be really awesome if a new Turtles movie came out to parody all the recent comic films.

Also, I too think the latest CGI series is awesome. I mean come on, Rosanne Barr as Kraang Prime?