A supremely weird book: 'Dating Vegans'




Curious to see what kind of vegan-hate this post will inspire…


I’d like to date a vegan, but I just don’t know where to start! If only there was some kind of book! I’m tempted to treat them like any other person in a relationship ever and listen to their individual wants and needs but according to the documentary “Scott Pilgrim” I know they have special vegan powers.

Maybe I’ll just try the ol’ status quo and just mock them and their beliefs like I do every other religion. What can go wrong?


Well, at least you can count on them not to hide it from you.


“Dating Vegans”

Like, vegans are so 90s, ya know?


“The sixteenth box is vegan.”

Some jokes just tell themselves.

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The vegans I know always seemed like pretty normal people to me. I never suspected they were such weirdos. Just shows you never to judge a book by its cover. Thanks, Anne Dinshah.


Oh, it’s a parody all right - just not an intentional one.


Did that Twilight Zone episode ever establish which star system the Kanamits’ home planet was in? For all we know it WAS Vega.


Dating Vegans?
Sure, that’s easy: You just cut them in half and count the rings.


A farmer’s market is a good place to make a stroll and be inspired by the vegetables

-Honey, you have being staring at that radish stall for ages.
-Eh? I’m sorry, I was thinking and…do you have a measuring tape here?
-Mmmm… Yeah, do you need it?
-It will be just a second.


All seriousness aside…

Holy shiznit, that is one big radish!


I must be weird. I just didn’t see anything that over the top odd about the pages shown (granted, I didn’t delve any further). Seems kind of campy I guess. Is it just offering advice on things non-vegans and vegans can do and eat together, with recipes and such, so it doesn’t become a show stopper in a relationship?


To quote a friend when she saw another friend’s newborn calf:
“Awwww, baby steak!”


Vegans are just better


I know, right? It was the only only only thing I could think of when I saw the headline. All other thought is pushed aside by this simple answer!

Well, that’s the widespread, stereotypical conception of how vegans think of themselves in relation to other people, so it makes for an easy, lazy cheap way to fling out a joke about them.

But I suspect it has more to do with some kind of projection on the part of the stereotype peddlers and joke tellers. I’ve met a lot of vegans, and none of them have been sanctimonious about it, and none have considered themselves superior to other people because they don’t consume animal products.


I don’t know how one is supposed to craft a joke about people who are “not sanctimonious” and do not “consider themselves superior to other people.” I’ve met both kinds of vegans and, like just about any other subgroup you care to name: hunters, stamp collectors, video gamers, potchuli oil salesmen, Republicans, copyfighters, cross-fitters, or babywearers/attachmen parenting types, the ratios of the sanctimonous is pretty much even. But it’s the ones who are such that stand out. And that’s the root from which jokes are grown.

“Did you hear about the vegan who was really pretty modest about their personal choice not to eat or use animal products, and was happy to answer questions, but wasn’t very pushy about it, and would still carry over the hamburgers from the grill without raising a stink?”

There’s no punch line there.


Thanks for explaining how these kinds of jokes work.

But really, that’s a boring response. So far, you’ve avoided the more interesting problem of where these particular cutting jokes seem to come from. And why they get told. And why their tellers don’t also tell jokes about meat eaters.

As with many, maybe even most jokes, these ones do more than just make certain people (and not others) laugh.

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