I mean not really being sarcastic.
She even asked specifically if she was being filmed and was told ânoâ:
I have considered making a Fucking Grauniad thread to accompany the Fucking NY Times thread, but I really donât want the hassle of maintaining it.
Nick Cohen is one of the reasons that I want to do it and also donât want the hassle of doing it.
Some levity, because we need it.
Christ, I know this is among the least of our worries right now, but what a fucking asshole. Thatâs not an act of kindness. Do something real ffs.
Iâve had to overcome my conditioning of always âhelping outâ when asked, even by random strangers, but one of the best habits Iâve gotten is that when someone (except in very limited circumstances) tries to hand me something I havenât asked for, I put my hands behind my back. Just set that shit down on one of the myriad available surfaces.
And tbc, Iâm not criticizing the woman in this video, at all. Just passing on a tip that has served me well.
Itâs a good habit. As is refusing un-asked for help. Sad those are habits women must cultivate
Yes, and!
Not offering unsolicited help! (And I mean specifically when people kind of pose a problem but donât ask for help, but you can tell they expect it, bc, âwimmenâ )
This has been one of the hardest for me. Still struggle with it probably weekly. Gah.
IME men have a much easier time sitting back and letting people ask for what they want/need. I feel like most women have this conditioning to swoop in and address the posed problem without letting/making people ask for it.
You are absolutely correct. âWhy arenât you helping?â âBecause you didnât ask me to.â is a common conversation i have. I think there is something in socialization of guys that says do not offer unsolicted advice or assistance to another guy. Now if we could convince some of my bretheren that women are just guys who donât stink, we might get somewhere.
OMG, i was just relating a story of how we were on vacation with another couple and the guy kept saying he wanted a sandwich. He wasnât saying it to me, so I was practicing the whole thing of not jumping in. Figured theyâd sort it out.
After over an hour of this weirdness and him getting cranky, it turned out he wanted to make a sandwich of the stuff we had out in the hotel room (I think it was PB and maybe bananas?)
I said how weird and awkward it was and the guy I was relating the story to was like, âoh, so he was just too polite to ask?â
Dude. That is not being polite. That is expecting other people to read your mind!
The 2nd guyâs reaction was like dude-world inception
Revealed: the pay bump for being a straight, white man in US science
Study reveals the vast disparity in salary, respect and opportunities between people from marginalized groups and their privileged peers.
This is right up there with a study showing that farts stink, but Iâm glad they quantified it so those who might not be aware cannot deny it!
Brava.
Speaking of un-asked for kindnesses/favor*: doubt this would have happened if the victims were men. Also bet the guy who pulled the gun made a show out of opening the door
*Full disclosure: I hold open doors for people coming behind me a lot and will go open a door for a person who might have trouble (crutches, stroller). I donât think this is a problem, I donât expect any acknowledgement. But Iâll have to think on it
I know Iâve mentioned this before, but I once had a guy angrily shout at me bc after he pushed the wheelchair button to âopen the door for meâ as I was rushing to a meeting, I pushed through the other door instead of waiting for the very slow automatic door to swing open.
At the time I thought it was hilarious and just laughed it off. Now Iâm glad he didnât have a gun
I also hold doors routinely for folks. However, i donât do it based on gender. I am much more likely to do so if the person is older or disabled, but i will hold doors as a matter of course for anybody. Not planning on changing that, not least because Carrie would beat me bloody if i did, but not just out of fear for my wellbeing, just so you understand.