Less “walk on eggshells” and more “don’t expect me to be overly friendly at first.”
I treat everyone I meet the way I treat strange dogs. Stick out a hand, see if they are interested. If not, fine. If so, even better.
For me . . . I love to spend time with a few people around a table. I could do that for hours if I feel some commonality. A big crowd, say 6 people or more, wears on me in a way I still do not understand (at 57.) I will go home afterwards and be inflicted with hours of involuntary micro-examination of every exchange that took place. Sometimes writhing in existential agony over utterances that seemed at the time completely perfunctory and pro-forma. Telling me to “just get over it” or “Oh yeah, I was like that as a teenager.” Feels like someone telling a blind man to grow up and see some shit. I am told I am very intelligent and sensitive. I am pretty sure that combination created the monster in my head and it was carefully trained by my similarly inflicted father to react by hiding and rationalizing. It gets worse, but I am taming it a bit in fits and starts. Occasionally, I get furious at it and cry.
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I’ll add my voice to those who have said the “energy” part is accurate but the social interaction part is overstated.
The biggest conflicts I have with my extroverted wife is her sometimes failure to understand that I really do enjoy being alone for long periods. Not that I don’t want her around, and in fact she’s a passionate equestrian who spends a lot of time with her horses and horse friends. Unfortunately she then sometimes develops totally unnecessary feelings of guilt about being absent a lot and gets mad at me, wondering why I “don’t get out more” so she’ll feel less guilty. It’s a silly argument we’ve had on numerous occasions based on her lack of comprehension of how I can be truly happy if I’m not constantly doing things with my friends in my spare time like she does.
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How is this “energy” measured? How is it generated? What are “good vibes” and why can’t introverts “absorb” them?
Here you go, you introverts. You know you want it.
Susan Cain: The power of introverts
That’s all very well, but how do I deal with extraverts? They’re always so fucking noisy. Do they have a secret “off” switch?
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I really want to see a video of this going down in a public place.
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Are you being facetious?
I’d say what I mean by energy in this context is akin to a state of positive arousal. I don’t think anyone here is referring to caloric energy, but more along the lines of what gets you engaged and feeling good.
To many introverted people, interacting with large groups is mentally taxing and/or emotionally stressful. It takes a distinct effort for some introverts to keep up social interaction for extended periods. To an extrovert, this is absurd. Extroverted people tend towards being more aroused and having positive feelings in large groups. It doesn’t take effort for them to interact with the group, or rather it takes effort but isn’t emotionally or mentally stressful in the way it is for more introverted people.
I speak for myself when I’m saying this, but I have a hunch others will agree.
I’m not naturally adept when it comes to social situations, so I have to constantly remeber the social protocol in a conscious way when interacting. Then afterwards I’m constantly realizing all the stupid things I said earlier
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I have read this a few times now and each time I get a little annoyed, but I could never put my finger on why. I think you are right about the whole, “walking on eggshells” thing. It’s kind of like, this is the only way you can interact with me and if you break one of these many rules you will miss out of the awesome friendship with me. Sigh.
Yes, it’s called a knife, but it’s not strictly legal.
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That’s a permanent off switch. I think what AshleyYakeley is looking for is something more temporary. Like a phaser.
The thing is that the person who’s being all introverted sometimes has to give a little in the interaction as well. By way of example, I’ve gone to parties and stuff as a concession to a more extroverted friend or friends. I would have preferred to spend the time with a smaller set of people at one of our houses playing games or watching a movie, but the people I wanted time with wanted to go out, so I went out, and we came back and did quieter things afterward. Now, going to a party without close friends is absolutely miserable for me, so this isn’t a way to meet people. However, it is a way to be a semi-equal partner in a friendship, so that your extroverted friend doesn’t always have to plan around you and they don’t feel like they’re excluding you when they want to do something loud and active with lots of people. And hey, you might enjoy your evening. There might be awesome music you can get lost in or good food or any number of things that make up for the people.
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I used to think I was an introvert. But the truth of it was that I was a terrified extrovert, hurt so much in my life that I thought that minimizing interaction was my nature. A lot of this article applies to me, in the sense that my gas tank for interactions is smaller than most, and I tend to me more literal.
But it also describes a lot of people with Aspergers…
Who are you? Do you even know? I’d say that some folks have themselves pegged as introverts, but it’s not their real nature.
What works for you? When you’re completely relaxed and among those you trust, do you then ham it up? Tell stories? Maybe that’s your nature. I encourage you to explore that. It’s when we can figure it out, and act true to our own nature that we feel best about ourselves.
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