How to care for your introvert


#1

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2017/09/28/how-to-care-for-your-introvert.html


#2

And if you are a bit bipolar, you can alternate between the two, switching from a party animal to someone who wants to examine the nearest closet - from the inside.


#3

This is cute. But some of us are extroverted introverts. We enjoy company, but it drains us and we need to recharge with alone time.

Also, they’ve either grossly overestimated the difficulty of integral calculus or severely underestimated the complexity of small talk…


#4

I’m an extrovert — in that I’m green on the outside.


#5

I’m a pervert; where do I fit in to this? You’d better tell me and set some boundaries. Don’t leave it to my own judgement.


#6


#7

Okay, now I’m waiting for the ‘cute instructional video’ regarding extroverts. Chances are, there will be no such video, because introverts are somehow an easy target. Am I taking offense at this video? Yes, somewhat. I work in IT, and I deal with multiple persons per day, phone calls, emails and texts constantly. I have been told I have a charming personality, because I’m witty, I have a sense of humor, smile and I can hold a conversation with anybody. I’m like the cool guy in the video with cool shorts and my care free attitude of letting my shirt hang half out. Nobody would ever know I am an introvert. However… when I am not at work, I don’t answer the phone, unless it’s someone I am expecting to contact me, communicating almost exclusively through texts, and other than preplanned social activities and personal tasks that need to be done, I spend much of my free time alone. I have done the social thing, been married and divorced, raised two boys, experienced several relationships, traveled quite extensively and now at my age, I’m turning inward. I meditate up 60-90 minutes per day and I write 3-4 hours per day on the weekends, having completed three novels and working on my fourth. I feel free and comfortable when I am alone on my free time. I feel creative and constructive in my free time, even moreso than when I am at my job, which any trained monkey sys admin can do. To the Fonz, hard to read if you are being snarky, but no, I am not bipolar and I’m sure those with biloar conditions may not be amused. Why did I feel the need to explain myself? I don’t know, but something about this video just really irked me. Maybe it was the smarmy, British/Australian accent. And yes, I have two cats.


#8

Still probably my favorite comic about “introverts”:

The whole business is tiresome. “We live in an anxious society”, indeed.


#9

For me, it depends on the company. Some people energize me, others drain me. Most people leave my energy levels untapped.

The whole introvert/extrovert dichotomy seems creaky to me. Sociality (inclination to socialize) may be synonymous with extroversion but I don’t think it necessarily follows that asociality is introversion.


#10

It is somewhat of a simplification. But regardless of who I’m around, my natural inclination is to be On for company. How I interact with them varies widely, but there’s a solace in solitude that can only reach me when I feel alone.


#11

It’s not a dichotomy, it’s a continuum. The older I get, the more I see the world as a series of continua. Things aren’t just good or bad, on or off - even the “off” in binary on a circuit board is only “mostly off”, because there’s always some electricity there.

I’ve known a few people that only socialize if forced, and a few people that never want to be alone. Everybody else I’ve known falls somewhere between the two.


#12

Ooh an extroverted introvert. That’s me.


#13

As an introvert, I tend to find myself more rapidly drained and feel more of an aversion to overtly dog people. It’s sociableness overload.


#14

On the topic of introversion/extroversion I think the real thing that provides clarity is: Do you recharge being around people, or by being alone?

I’ve found that there’s a big spread of what the people in my life think I am, and it’s always more contingent on how introverted/extroverted they are relative to me. Compared to some, I’m a social butterfly, compared to others I’m relatively reclusive. But I recharge by being alone.

My friend (and tenant) is the opposite; he needs to be around people all the time. I mostly haven’t been around since he’s been living at my place, and so he would send me lots of sad emoji’s over text and ask when I’m coming back. Eventually he bought a PS4, and now he spends every night shooting the bull with online friends in a party chat.


#15

image


#16

Ah, to know the secret thing, and be a “good sex person” who knows about it.


#17

Sometimes I think the difference is that introverts can deal with people when it’s on our own terms, but we prefer to be alone. I’ve got different modes/levels of interaction for work, social occasions (classes or club meetings), friends, and family. The presence of extroverts who want me to engage on their terms makes me withdraw and wish to be alone. That’s why I enjoy the comic below (and guard my sweet, sweet energy juices)…


#18

Yup. I’m a boisterous and loud introvert. I expend all my energy outside my home on others, and become a cranky crabby mess once the coast is clear. Then I can recharge.

I used to be more of a traditional introvert, but people kept asking “are you okay? You’ve been so quiet.” And people just wouldn’t take me at my word that I’m alright. So eventually I trained myself (and all the demanding extroverts around me helped) to take the bull by the horns so I could interact on my own terms. Even if they weren’t what made me comfortable.

Introverts just aren’t valued in American society. Everyone thinks you’re depressed or have social phobias or anxiety when it’s really just as simple as rationing your mental energy.


#19

D’oh! I’d meant to convey that I felt it was a one-dimensional view consisting of just two poles. ‘Dichotomy’ was a mistaken and poor choice of words. I agree that it’s often thought of as a continuum but that’s just it: I still feel this bimodal axis is simplistic regarding social behavior.

The empirical Big 5 model of personality has its flaws but I think an absolute scale of extroversion, when considered in relation to its other four major dimensions, allows for a more nuanced formal description of personality than Myers-Briggs (which further entrenched the Jungian notion of introversion in culture).


#20

Yes to this. False dichotomies are false.