Working on a historical romance? (Hmmm… how to work in falling apples?)
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This is completely anecdotal and should be taken as such:
I’m on the very oldest edge of millennial (pushing 40). One of the things that honestly impresses me about the younger women in my life is how NOT focused on dating and getting married they are compared to when I was younger. They’re focused on school, careers, their friends, experiences (like travel) and dating is way down on the list. Compared to when I was like 19-20, and making dumb decisions about school and life based around some dude, I’m proud of them. I wonder if this attitude from young women has something to do with it? Like I said, anecdotal based on the girls I know (maybe I have just been a good influence hahaha!)
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As I understand it, the Japanese celibacy situation you’re discussing is almost a side effect of the larger hikikomori phenomenon that itself is seen in large part as a reaction to specifically Japanese cultural, social, and economic factors (in addition to more universal ones).
If there is indeed a trend toward celibacy and/or deferred sexual debuts for young men in the U.S., it’s best regarded as separate from the Japanese one.
It takes two to tango, so perhaps you’re right about this in re: heterosexual relationships. However, from what I’ve seen (anecdotally also) the young men also seem to prioritise study, careers, friends, and experience over dating and sex. Marriage and children are something young American in general seem to be wisely deferring until they’ve had some time to establish themselves financially and spend some time developing into individuals on their own.
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I’m just curious why we’re talking about a two-year-old study now.
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I think that you have it backwards. Hikikomori are very extreme cases where people do not socialize (outside of hardly genuine online socializing), or even leave the house, at all. Estimates show that there are probably several hundred thousand hikikomori in Japan, which is significant, but not large enough to swing these trends.
I think that the celibacy situation (which is not a phenomenon limited to men) is like a lighter version of the hikikomori phenomenon that is nevertheless even more prevalent in Japan: the phenomenon of people who are socially awkward, but able to hold down a job and maintain a few close friendships, but would never dream of pursuing actual romantic entanglements, especially since (as @X_Expat noted) they have options in terms of fantasy/pornography that caters to them.
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Oh, what do you want to talk about? Climate Change? $15.00 Living Wage? Racism in the USA? etc. etc. etc.
[note sadly the sarcasm]
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Interesting correlation - the iPhone came out in 2007 and so 2008 and forward is when they gained in popularity. Might be a factor.
I have no idea what “kids these days” are up to, but in my limited experience the key is putting yourself out there and meeting people. Are people less likely to wander outside of their known group and interact with others? Might be a factor. Most people you meet will have a “polite meh” reaction. But at some point you should find someone who thinks you are cool.
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I can see how that take makes sense. Hikikomori are what most Westerners think of when we talk about young Japanese men who forego sex, but it’s a larger phenomenon. Especially when you add in the long series of economic doldrums Japan has been drifting through and the ubiquity of technology-based outlets there. As Rob said, those last two factors may play a part in this trend in the States.
[@Papasan: “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” – Pascal]
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I’m not having sex, right now!
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And start a band, irregardless of knowing how to sign/play, just start a band.
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I’m sure you can imagine an alfresco activity that would rock the tree causing the apples to fall down?
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Roger That!
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Ah, the Mellencamp method.
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It has been 40 years since the sexual revolution ended.
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I think that, to a lesser extent, people in the West come to have unrealistic and even harmful ideas about what a romantic relationship should be (or even what constitutions a romantic relationship) due to romantic comedies and Disney Princesses. But that’s nothing compared to what you see in anime and manga. There’s so little to prepare people for how relationships work, not just up to the point of having sex, but after that as well.
That said, a lot of people are perfectly happy being celibate.
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Every human being is entitled to have their own personal “sexual revolution” in their own time line without interference from the surrounding society.
BTW: The reason this is a Hot Topic now in 2021? Global Corps. need more people to buy their collective crap’ola. No babies / Decline in Global birth rate, no peoples to market useless shit to in the future…
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I’ve noticed it as well. I have three sons and a daughter, 19 to 33, and their approach to relationships overall seems far healthier than I remember from when I was that age. The rise of incel culture and alt-right misogyny gives me pause, as well as the attempt at whipping up culture war outrage about #metoo, but overall I think the kids are going to be alright.
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I think one of the points that is often forgotten in this kind of discussion is that being married is not a pre-requisite for adulthood anymore, and because of that, the pressure for marriage and sex are not as strong as it was before.
For example, young people are not seem as still below their parents until they marry (and they can also just leave their house, even if they are not getting married) nor as less adult because they still don’t have a family and the responsibility to provide for them.
Of course, this still depends a bit on class (and religion), but the idea of having to get married is mostly gone.
For example, you don’t see arranged marriages, nor matchmakers, anymore.
It is funny how this kind of discussion most focus on incel men, but when you have almost a third of “virgin” men, it also means that there is at least that amount of women who also cannot get into a (mono-straight) relationship, but that doesn’t spawn any terrorist group or a very misandric discourse.
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