It doesn’t seem to say what he has to apologize for. If the charge is speeding, one might assume that apologizing for speeding would satisfy this. One might also get charged for contempt for being so logical.
Is there a polite way to tell the judge to kiss his ass?
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“When I asked you to move, I did not realize that you were a thin-skinned, power-tripping moron who should never have been allowed on the police force, and for that I am truly sorry.”
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… and intelligence:
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It occurs to me that a simple way out could be to go ahead and construct a letter of apology. I doubt there’s a legal definition of “letter of apology,” so here are two possible implementations. (Side note: One thing either of these does is to get the Burks name in the dialog as a Doctor, which is fun if nothing else. And by not specifying what kind of Doctor, he’s not making an untrue claim: could be a medical doctor, an academic doctor, a law doctor, a religious doctor, or just a dad who’s done some doctoring when a kid scraped a knee.)
VERSION ONE, minimalist version:
Dear Officer (Your Name Here),
This is a letter of apology.
Sincerely,
Dr. R. Burks
VERSION TWO, a more comprehensive version:
Dear Officer (Your Name Here),
This is a letter of apology.
I am unsure what part of our encounter sparked the ire of the Honorable Judge Bull, but I will address each potential candidate in an effort to leave no offense unturned.
a. Because your body was blocking my car’s ability to finish taking my children to school, I asked you politely, twice, to clear my access to the road. It is possible that you are offended when being asked to do a simple, minimal and logical task by another person. If this is the case, I apologize for asking you to do what any normal and courteous person would have done, and suggest you seek counseling to reduce the chances of having another such encounter with another law-abiding citizen.
b. Because I disagreed with your seemingly spurious judgement of my car’s speed as not reasonable and prudent. I thought my disagreement was valid as I believed I was driving at a safe and appropriate speed, and saw no evidence to the contrary by way of an actual measurement on your part, nor of any certification of your technical abilities to accurately measure a car’s speed based on your personal senses such as eyesight. If this is the issue, I apologize for disagreeing with your unfounded assessment of my car’s velocity.
c. Because after twice asking you to move, I asked you to get your ass out of the way. I now realize that this may be the key point, and that this part of my request was unclear because it was incomplete. It was not only your ass that was blocking my childrens’ access to their school, but your feet, your knees, your legs, your hips, your chest, your head, and all your clothing and equipment. I could have included these in my enumeration of your body parts, but felt this might be taken as excessively wordy so I elected for concision. If this is the issue, I apologize for making a request that you may have had difficulty understanding, and will endeavor to be more precise in the future.
d. Because in referring specifically to your ass, I may have inadvertently run into your sensitivity to the size of that part, indeed many parts, of your body. This was not intended, and if this is the case I apologize for not realizing you have body image problems. Again, I would suggest counseling, but I am not myself a therapist so cannot assure that this path would resolve any issues you may have with self-image or self-worth.
It is possible that I have missed the mark completely and that you were offended by something not on this list. If this is the case, I apologize for whatever that may have been because, as I said in the beginning, this is a letter of apology.
Sincerely,
Dr. Reginald Burks
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I think that was Mr. Burke’s response to being accused of using profanity; the word “ass” (as in donkey) is in the Bible.
That said, this whole incident is still some straight bullshit.
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As Mr Burke was charged with speeding and there was no mention about language in the charge would the apology be about the speeding alone.
‘I apologise that you feel upset about the velocity of my vehicle that day. The velocity you determined with no calibrated independent device.’
/s
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I’m not a lawyer, but Judge Bull is an ass.
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I gather, sir, that you’re not a veterinarian either. Judge Bull is, you see, a human being!
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Objection! Improper Character Evidence and Assumes Facts Not in Evidence. It has not yet been established that Judge Bull is an animal of any kind, only that he is a judge.
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