Maybe the principal misunderstands the brand name “Armour”.
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On the positive side, such clean cut, if disinfected properly, heals fast and well. Don’t ask how I know.
Pro tips: Let it bleed for a while, that will wash the contaminants from the wound. Couple minutes will do, running out of curses is a good timer. Alcohol solution of propolis is good for soaking into a pad of a band-aid, as additional disinfection of the surface; iodine or other topical disinfectant will do if you don’t have or cannot use propolis. I strongly suggest to let the alcohol evaporate before you apply the band-aid; again, do not ask how I know (ow).
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According to Neal Stephenson (in Snow Crash, I think) freshly broken glass has a mono-filament edge.
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I was going to say they should all keep garlic to ward off vampires, but there’s zero probability of vampires and only a very low probability of encountering school shooters. It’s like a one-piece Rube Goldberg solution, except Rube Goldberg machines actually work.
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Freshly broken glass is used as a blade for some microtome knives. So while I’d have some but not big doubts about the monofilament claim, it may be at least pretty close.
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When the guy pushing for teachers to carry AR-15s sounds like the rational one, it’s time to pack it in, go home, and just nuke the state from orbit.
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In nineteen minutes, this area’s gonna be a cloud of vapor the size of Nebraska… 200,520 km²
It’s not got much rat in it…
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It’s Alabama; the only books are Holy Bibles, King James Version, and it would be considered sacrilege to throw them.
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Or, “ain’t worth a can of beans in a gun fight.”
Ow, I think I just gave myself mixed metaphor dissonance. :-0
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The last time a student died in a school fire was 1958, yet by law we have to have a fire drill every month. The last time a student died in a school shooting was a month ago. And then a month and a half before that, and 4 months before that and 5 days before that… My point is not that school shootings are common or likely, just that schools do a lot more prep for something that’s a hell of a lot less likely.
Our state-mandated professional development for school shootings involved learning what a helipad and an incident commander are. I kid you not. We even had to take a test on this pseudo-military jargon. This is how the bureaucracy responds to the threat of school shootings. Is it any wonder that school staff are left to punt?
My first thought when I read this article was how odd it was for an administrator to even address how to respond if a person who intends harm gets into a classroom. I’ve taught in a few schools and “what to do if a shooter gets in the room” has never once been addressed. Our instructions for an active shooter situation are “hide and hope”. When teachers have asked what to do if the shooter blasts his way in, we’re told to use our judgement. No one seems to want to go on the record and answer that one. For that reason alone, I say good for the principal.
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Honestly, when I read this, I thought it wasn’t a general instruction “bring cans in so we have cans on hand in case a school shooter comes in” but rather a specific one: “Hey students, everyone bring in a can on Monday to throw at the crazed school shooter we’re going to have that day.”
And it’s still hard to shake that mental image.
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“All y’all, bring cans on Monday. Except you, Fred, you’ll be the shooter.”
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Dunno where you went to school, but this dumb idea would have had a surprisingly good chance of success at my junior high. “Largely unpracticed throwers”? Maybe we just had too many dirt-clod fights and rock brawls in my neighborhood. In a brief fit of rage, my five-year-old flung a fist-sized toy at my head that cracked my glasses and hurt like a sonofabitch. I’d like the odds of a pack of middle-schoolers armed with cans of Chicken of the Sea a whole lot more than any sort of rushing offense.
Your Air Game may vary.
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In the administrator’s defense, Fred always wears hoodies.
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I think that would violate the geneva convention.
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I think you mean “Geneva canvention.”
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Yes, we can!
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It occurs to me that this is the very best way to ensure a full load of canned goods when doing a food drive in a conservative state.
collecting food for those no good jobless moochers of society (conservative for poor) = zero cans of food.
collecting cans as weapons “for defense” = all the cans
this could secretly be a brilliant scheme! 
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