Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2016/11/01/already-regretting-assigning-t.html
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Is this an actual review, or a critique of a review that never existed?
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My guess is a minor leak from Rob’s brain…
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It’s the product of a conspiracy that aims to keep publishing and making references to it until it becomes real.
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It’s real, it’s just from the 19A0’s.
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Borges is an entirely appropriate reviewer for Apple products. 
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I’m going to miss the four independent port thingies (plugs? receptacles? I never know what to call them) on the side of my Mac laptop, and although I love a good Borges joke I kinda wish Xeni would drop in to an actual review of the new one now that they’re going away. To me she’s basically the Jardin of four-thing Macs.
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How do you say “Apple Store” in Tlon? “behind the bright shining it boots?”
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Depends.
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Rather than risk disappointment, a good editor always assigns the crap stories to someone who’s been dead for a few decades.
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Before making a decision about a tech purchase I usually wait for the review from Joyce.
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I thought McSweeney’s might have covered that already. But no, all they’ve got is Gertrude Stein.
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“This dongle is god.”
Not the first, nor the last time that’s been said.
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Seems he also touched upon the wonderful dongles that can be found in the sketchier regions of Amazon and Alibaba:
Every dongle is unique, irreplaceable, but (since the Apple Store is total) there are always several hundred
thousand imperfect facsimiles: works which differ only in a fuse or a pin.
For four centuries now men have exhausted the sellers … There are official searchers, inquisitors. I have seen them in the performance of their function: they always arrive extremely tired from paging through results; they speak of a malformed connector which exploded and almost killed them; they talk with customer service of volts and amperage ratings; sometimes they click on the nearest dongle and leaf through the specs, looking for sense. Obviously, no one expects to discover anything.
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So that’s what was in the safe…
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It’s just as well, Joyce’s review would likely have incomprehensible digressions into impotent sadness over Parnell and whether it’s possible to be a truly Irish Programmer in Ireland while having to program in non-Irish languages.
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This has inspired me to mash-up Borges and I with Mac and Me. But, like Borges, I’m only suggesting its existence.
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You win 
