Amusement park ride simulates death


Amusement park or torture park?

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Ever experienced Disneyland?


I was thinking of “authentic experiences of drowning” myself.

40C? That’s an authentic experience of burning? More like a summer day. I say, crank those gas jets higher! Bwaaahaha!


Also known as a simulation of Purgatory.

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So, let me get this straight:

  1. Oppressive heat inside a small box, followed by
  2. making your way through a tight space, followed by
  3. “rebirth” in a large, white room

Sounds an awful lot like driving to the mall in August to go the the Apple Store, to me.


Export restrictions might make this tricky for a Chinese theme park; but good old American Ingenuity has already produced the cutting edge in authentic experience of burning! (Ask your friendly sales rep about ADS, ADS2, or the new, low-cost, ‘Silent Guardian’ security solution.)

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The “dirt nap” ride, where do I sign up! [note sarcasm]

I’m just afraid I might like it, which sets a bad precedent.


But do they follow it with funeral strippers?

No need to get so fancy, just eat mushrooms and curl up in the bottom of a hottub like the rest of us…


I can’t wait till the “cryogenically frozen head” simulator comes out. It should put the cremation ride to shame.

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Death is preferable to waiting in line for a Disneyland ride.

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I’m envisioning that with a Disney-style intro movie projected on TV screens in the queuing area featuring an animated Ted Williams.

The Venice, California, t-shirt is a nice touch.

Sounds rather like a plot from an episode of the old Mission Impossible TV series; secret agents orchestrate a simulated death experience to reform a recalcitrant dictator.

Wasn’t there an artist some years ago who predicted there would be afterlife tourism in the near future? I seem to recall an article featuring a rather cute cartoon of a skeleton-filled tour bus… Of course, good old Aw Boon Haw Garden (Tiger Balm Park) in Hong Kong was sort of like that. I’m sad I never got to see that in its prime.

Fuck the export restrictions. If I ever get around to have that vacuum system I covet, one of the projects to do will be an opensource 95GHz magnetron for exactly this thing. (These toys will become more common and we need reference systems, even with lower power and lower range, to test countermeasures.)

Once you have good vacuum, the rest is a comparably simple combo of precision mechanics and some 40’s-era material engineering.

Will somebody please do a kickstarter for an affordable and quiet turbopump-turbomolecular pump tandem?

Perhaps a virtual reality ride that the imparts the experience of being kicked around like a soccer ball.

This would make a good setup for a murder mystery.