Are you a Gentleman?


#1

According to Country Life:

A gentleman…
1 Negotiates airports with ease
2 Never lets a door slam in someone’s face
3 Can train a dog and a rose
4 Is aware that facial hair is temporary, but a tattoo is permanent
5 Knows when not to say anything
6 Wears his learning lightly
7 Possesses at least one well-made dark suit, one tweed suit and a dinner jacket
8 Avoids lilac socks and polishes his shoes
9 Turns his mobile to silent at dinner
10 Carries house guests’ luggage to their rooms
11 Tips staff in a private house and a gamekeeper in the shooting field
12 Says his name when being introduced
13 Breaks a relationship face to face
14 Is unafraid to speak the truth
15 Knows when to clap
16 Arrives at a meeting five minutes before the agreed time
17 Is good with waiters
18 Has two tricks to entertain children
19 Can undo a bra with one hand
20 Sings lustily in church
21 Is not vegetarian
22 Can sail a boat and ride a horse
23 Knows the difference between Glenfiddich and Glenda Jackson
24 Never kisses and tells
25 Cooks an omelette to die for
26 Can prepare a one match bonfire
27 Seeks out his hostess at a party
28 Knows when to use an emoji
29 Would never own a Chihuahua
30 Has read Pride and Prejudice
31 Can tie his own bow tie
32 Would not go to Puerto Rico
33 Knows the difference between a rook and a crow
34 Sandals? No. Never
35 Wears a rose, not a carnation
36 Swats flies and rescues spiders
37 Demonstrates that making love is neither a race nor a competition
38 Never blow dries his hair
39 Knows that there is always an exception to a rule


#2

I am no gentleman…
Also, what the hell is wrong with going to Puerto Rico? O_o


#3

20 Sings lustily in church ???


#4

I mean, if you’re a church singer, give it your all. No one likes the pretend singers! I can get behind that one.

But never owns a chihuahua? O_o


#5

I’ve known plenty of people, some of them were even men, who violated these rules and were most certainly more pleasant to be around than this guy:


#6

A gentleman…
1 Negotiates airports with ease
Yes

2 Never lets a door slam in someone’s face
Yes

3 Can train a dog and a rose
Many times for both
4 Is aware that facial hair is temporary, but a tattoo is permanent
Yes

5 Knows when not to say anything
Yes

6 Wears his learning lightly
Yes

7 Possesses at least one well-made dark suit, one tweed suit and a dinner jacket
90% there

8 Avoids lilac socks and polishes his shoes
Yes

9 Turns his mobile to silent at dinner
Yes

10 Carries house guests’ luggage to their rooms
Yes

11 Tips staff in a private house and a gamekeeper in the shooting field
Yes, but I don’t shoot

12 Says his name when being introduced
Yes

13 Breaks a relationship face to face
Yes

14 Is unafraid to speak the truth
Yes

15 Knows when to clap
Yes

16 Arrives at a meeting five minutes before the agreed time
Oh god yes

17 Is good with waiters
Yes

18 Has two tricks to entertain children
Yes, but I can’t tell you what they are

19 Can undo a bra with one hand
25% of the time

20 Sings lustily in church
No. Just pubs.

21 Is not vegetarian
Reformed

22 Can sail a boat and ride a horse
Barely, but yes

23 Knows the difference between Glenfiddich and Glenda Jackson
You are teasing me

24 Never kisses and tells
Yes

25 Cooks an omelette to die for
Yes

26 Can prepare a one match bonfire
Yes

27 Seeks out his hostess at a party
Yes

28 Knows when to use an emoji
Yes

29 Would never own a Chihuahua
I love all dogs

30 Has read Pride and Prejudice
Not on your life

31 Can tie his own bow tie
Not well

32 Would not go to Puerto Rico
Likely

33 Knows the difference between a rook and a crow
Yes

34 Sandals? No. Never
Shut yo mouth

35 Wears a rose, not a carnation
Yes

36 Swats flies and rescues spiders
Yes

37 Demonstrates that making love is neither a race nor a competition
Hard to say, out of practice

38 Never blow dries his hair
Yes

39 Knows that there is always an exception to a rule
That’s the rule of life


#7

I would never own a Chihuahua.


#8

I am a gentleman according to most but not all of the above requirements, and will rely on #39 to uphold my status where not all the above requirements are met.

Thank you and Good Day!





























































I said “Good Day!”, Sir!


#9

40 A gentleman never tells how many wigs he is wearing

(source)


#10

I can’t see what’s wrong with 6. The next is a good trait, but you should be willing to change your truth if it’s not fit to speak of. If I had to make a sweeping judgement of the people I know, the ones closer to being gentlemen often at least considered becoming vegetarian or reducing their meat intake. Puerto Rico is a nice place, although the level of home security is pretty extreme.


#11

I prefer the mantra from Man of La Mancha:

Call nothing thy own except thy soul.
Love not what thou art, but only what thou may become.
Do not pursue pleasure, for thou may have the misfortune to overtake it.
Look always forward: in last year’s nest, there are no birds this year,
Be just to all men; be courteous to all women.
Live in the vision of that one for whom great deeds are done.


#12

Did someone say dinner jacket?


#13

Fuck Pride and Prejudice. I wouldn’t even read that in Puerto Rico.

I’m on board with 36. And I have a surefire solution for 19.


#14

See, and we already KNOW that you’re not a gentleman! :wink:


#15

I’ve read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, but I suspect that gets me a demerit.


#16

A gentleman…
1 Negotiates airports with ease
I own three of them, so yes.

2 Never lets a door slam in someone’s face
No, I make it slam in their face.

3 Can train a dog and a rose
I eat dogs stuffed with roses.

4 Is aware that facial hair is temporary, but a tattoo is permanent
My beard is tattooed on.

5 Knows when not to say anything
STFU

6 Wears his learning lightly
STFU

7 Possesses at least one well-made dark suit, one tweed suit and a dinner jacket

8 Avoids lilac socks and polishes his shoes
I polish my shoes with lilacs.

9 Turns his mobile to silent at dinner
It’s always on silent

10 Carries house guests’ luggage to their rooms
And the house guest wink wink

11 Tips staff in a private house and a gamekeeper in the shooting field
Tips them off to what?

12 Says his name when being introduced
Never

13 Breaks a relationship face to face
I breaka you face

14 Is unafraid to speak the truth
Unafraid to lie, too

15 Knows when to clap
Slow clap

16 Arrives at a meeting five minutes before the agreed time
Or just cancels

17 Is good with waiters
I’m more into waitresses

18 Has two tricks to entertain children
Children should be seen and not heard

19 Can undo a bra with one hand
I can undo a bra with no hands

20 Sings lustily in church
That is just awful.

21 Is not vegetarian
WTF does this have to do with anything

22 Can sail a boat and ride a horse
I’m taking my horseboat out for a jaunt around the island, dear.

23 Knows the difference between Glenfiddich and Glenda Jackson
I know, right? Some people.

24 Never kisses and tells
tell THEN kiss

25 Cooks an omelette to die for
Nobody should ever die for an omelette. A croissant, maybe. But not an omelette.

26 Can prepare a one match bonfire
Whatever

27 Seeks out his hostess at a party
What for? So I can use my name when I introduce myself and talk about my horseboat?

28 Knows when to use an emoji
LOL :wink:

29 Would never own a Chihuahua
I stuff them with roses and roast them on one-match bonfires on my horseboat

30 Has read Pride and Prejudice
STFU it was boring

31 Can tie his own bow tie
Bow ties are NOT cool. They look dorky.

32 Would not go to Puerto Rico
Whatever this one is stupid.

33 Knows the difference between a rook and a crow
Yes, there is no gamepiece called a crow.

34 Sandals? No. Never
STFU, whoever wrote this must live in the snow.

35 Wears a rose, not a carnation
Enough with the damn roses already.

36 Swats flies and rescues spiders
Feeds flies to the spiders, then both go in the one-match bonfire.

37 Demonstrates that making love is neither a race nor a competition
Sure, this one is a gimme.

38 Never blow dries his hair
What hair? Gentlemen don’t have hair.

39 Knows that there is always an exception to a rule
Probably, but there are some rules never to be broken. Like brush your fucking teeth before bed and when you wake up. That’s basic.

Why isn’t there a #40? I can go all day.


#17

Just looks at it.


#18

A gentleman…
1 Negotiates airports with ease
I never negotiate with terrorists

2 Never lets a door slam in someone’s face
So these are doors that have agency and intent?

3 Can train a dog and a rose
In the art of fencing, absolutely.

4 Is aware that facial hair is temporary, but a tattoo is permanent
Permanent, till your flesh rots off.

5 Knows when not to say anything
Anything.

6 Wears his learning lightly
‘learning’ is a premium brand of velour, so one must wear it lightly

7 Possesses at least one well-made dark suit, one tweed suit and a dinner jacket

8 Avoids lilac socks and polishes his shoes
My pet monkey polished my shoes

9 Turns his mobile to silent at dinner
my mobile pet monkey is set to silent for dinner

10 Carries house guests’ luggage to their rooms
why do i have to carry the house, the guests, and their luggage?

11 Tips staff in a private house and a gamekeeper in the shooting field
Here’s a tip, stay in school and don’t use drugs.

12 Says his name when being introduced
My name is Saucy. Saucy McGee.

13 Breaks a relationship face to face
Like the movie Face Off with Travolta and Cage?

14 Is unafraid to speak the truth
You’re afraid to hear the truth

15 Knows when to clap

16 Arrives at a meeting five minutes before the agreed time
Cause I have nothing better to do

17 Is good with waiters
Yeah, they love being hugged when they approach the table

18 Has two tricks to entertain children
I only have one Weird trick

19 Can undo a bra with one hand
Only my own

20 Sings lustily in church
Oh god yes

21 Is not vegetarian
Oh god no

22 Can sail a boat and ride a horse
I can ride a boat and sail a horse, that count?

23 Knows the difference between Glenfiddich and Glenda Jackson
Well, they are both for breakfast

24 Never kisses and tells
I only kiss and text

25 Cooks an omelette to die for
Yes, I know, that one time it had salmonella. get over it.

26 Can prepare a one match bonfire
With enough magnesium anything is possible

27 Seeks out his hostess at a party
Hell yeah

28 Knows when to use an emoji
:dart:

29 Would never own a Chihuahua
Sure, but I own guadalajara

30 Has read Pride and Prejudice
only in espernato

31 Can tie his own bow tie
like a boss

32 Would not go to Puerto Rico
wtf is with this question?

33 Knows the difference between a rook and a crow

34 Sandals? No. Never
shut your commie mouth

35 Wears a rose, not a carnation
i don’t think she likes to be worn

36 Swats flies and rescues spiders
You shouldn’t make false calls to the police to get them to harass your insect problem, you philistine.

37 Demonstrates that making love is neither a race nor a competition
it may not be a race, but i win every time

38 Never blow dries his hair
i only blow dry my hair while coursing through the salty winds during the americas cup

39 Knows that there is always an exception to a rule
no there isn’t


#19

just look at it


#20

What a load of hooey.

Signed,
Not a Gentleman