Things "Real Men ®" don't do (Wiki)

wrath
1

Inspired by this post , a list of things “Real Men” don’t do.

It’s a wiki. Add your own!

  1. Eat bananas in public (don’t look at it!)
  2. Use straws
  3. Wipe. You know where.
  4. Cry
  5. Drive Saturns or Subarus
  6. Drink white wine or clear liquors
  7. Cook or eat anything other than steak.
  8. Laundry
  9. Bake
  10. Take car to shop for repair. Add-ons or upgrades is fine
  11. Knitting, crochet, sewing, pretty much any form of craft or art.
  12. Buy tampons
  13. Listen.
  14. Ask for directions
  15. Read the directions
  16. See teal or puce, only Newtonian colors.
  17. Eat Quiche
  18. Pee sitting down
  19. Leave the shower to pee
  20. Read
  21. Apologize. “I’m sorry you were offended” doesn’t count
  22. Wear Pink
  23. Gardening
  24. Buy pre-chopped firewood
  25. Enter nursing as a career
  26. Become baristas
  27. See a psychologist/therapist
  28. Let women have the last word
  29. Sit cross-legged
  30. Hug other men
  31. Eat granola
  32. Have dinner in a restaurant with another man
  33. Express feelings other than anger
  34. Talk about their feelings, including anger
  35. Admit that they have unearned privilege
  36. Do childcare that doesn’t involve playing catch with sportsballs
  37. Carry an umbrella
  38. Go to the doctor.
  39. Self reflection.
  40. Recognise that personal growth means more than lifting weights.
  41. Read and post on moderated forums.
  42. Eat tofu.
  43. Watch movies without male leads, or “chick flicks.”
  44. type
  45. be concerned about the environment
  46. Dance
  47. Listen to music sung by a female lead, unless its country and the singer is hot.
  48. Ask for help
  49. Go to a hair salon (must be an expressly male-centered barber shop)
  50. Clean (vacuum, mop, dust, etc)
  51. Decorate their living space
  52. Have baths rather than showers
  53. Use candles
  54. Talk with someone for any more than a minute or so about most movies after seeing them
  55. Lift the toilet seat and aim
  56. Put the toilet seat back down
  57. Change diapers
  58. Use their low beam headlights.
  59. Wash their hands after using a public restroom
  60. Bidets. Using one, owning one, looking at one without making a really dumb joke… Bidets.
  61. Do yoga (or any workout that isn’t lifting weights/cardio)
  62. Be a stay at home dad / house husband
  63. Make less money than his wife
  64. Meditate
  65. Clean up after themselves when they miss the toilet
23 Likes
2

Cook or eat anything other than steak.

9 Likes
3

How the hell did you get a hold of my to-do list for the day? Damn! No privacy around here! :joy:

14 Likes
4

Knitting, crochet, pretty much any form of craft or art.

16 Likes
5

No white wine, got it. I’m still safe to drinking sparkling and rose, right? OOooo. And sparkling rose :grinning:

14 Likes
6

[Gasp] No! That’s a pastel color. No drinking or wearing those is allowed. :frowning_face:

12 Likes
7

But it’s yummy :sob: :sob: :sob:

8 Likes
8

Added sewing.

15 Likes
9

Apologize :roll_eyes:
2vsp3x-2437454908
I had a supervisor actually tell me this once.

17 Likes
10

Wear pink.

Which, ironically, looks great on a lot of people, including men.

17 Likes
11

and here i am in my pink shirt, sipping my gin and tonic through a straw, thinking about making a lovely salad fo dinner. right after i fold the laundry…
i’m such a soy-boy beta male :rofl:
couldn’t be happier!

21 Likes
12

Maybe switch to pink gin?

PINK-GN-2991589923
PINK-GN-29915899231711×1500 380 KB

13 Likes
13

Careful now… could end up as a girl drink drunk…

13 Likes
14

Read and post on moderated forums.

9 Likes
15

Ha! I’d suggest embracing it. As I did. I can’t drink anymore but in my youth I was a proudly exuberant girl-drink-drunk; largely because of this skit. I’d know it was long past time to stumble home once I’d collected a smurfs village worth of tiny paper umbrellas.

5 Likes
16

Commendable plural usage right there.

12 Likes
17

Does this one still persist? And it’s not an urban myth? Dear lord…

Surprised Deep Space Nine GIF by Star Trek

10 Likes
18

Since real bbsers don’t add to Wikis (:wink:), I just added these to the list:

  1. Let women have the last word
  2. Sit cross-legged
  3. Hug other men
  4. Eat granola
  5. Have dinner in a restaurant with another man
  6. Express feelings other than anger
  7. Talk about their feelings, including anger
  8. Admit that they have unearned privilege
15 Likes
19

Refusing to carry an umbrella.

7 Likes
20

Well, Real Men eat whatver they want whenever they want, so at least when they’re older they can’t even reach back there anymore, so…

4 Likes