Genocide still has me feeling terrified—I’m on the verge of tears at any moment. I breakdown over the smallest things. In so many ways I am not okay, yet I’m also feeling great in so many others and lately I’ve found focusing on that helps.
Works been busy but good; I made a new friend and maybe another. Though still very introverted, I’m finding it easier to talk to people. My transition is progressing well and was told today my levels E levels have stabilized enough that I can move from 3 to 6 month blood tests. I finally gotten over the anger with myself over him and come to terms with the protection he provided me. Most importantly, I feel more like myself than I ever have.
As am I, things were looking dark for me a couple weeks ago. I just made the decision that I wouldn’t let things out of my control consume me. So I just started focusing on small positive things and its helped.
For me, every time things get dark, it’s choosing to live in the world where I chose to continue, rather than the one where I quit.
I want to find out what happens if I try.
Whatever works for you - I’m just glad you’re doing better.
Right there with you. The stuff going on around the world, but particularly in the US and UK has me on edge constantly. I have stopped following a lot of news since it’s a constant stream of bad things, and that’s helped quite a lot, but enough crap leaks through to make me scared and depressed.
I’m so glad you’re focusing on the positives though! I have found similar, I’m much less introverted than I was when he was in control and things are looking pretty good overall on a personal level. It’s so nice to finally feel like you’re you, isn’t it?
In the general sense, I am okay. My cats and I are all fed, and I have litter to last through the week.
My problem is that I am behind on rent, totaling a bit less than $2000. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but for the person I owe, it represents 6 month’s rent including March. Despite the fact this person created the problem, even I would be on board with kicking someone out after 6 months worth of unpaid rent.
For those who don’t know, I work as an in-house translator at a major Japanese manufacturer. I am the only in-house translator that the company has. Translation is extremely mentally taxing. There is a hard and fast limit to how much I can translate in a single day. It depends on what I am translating (some things are just easier), but for simplicity’s sake, let’s call it ten pages per day. I receive translation requests from throughout the company, and it covers everything from safety standards to press releases to financial reporting to advertising. I normally get about 40 to 50 pages per week. Recently, there is a lot going on at the company, and so I have been getting like 12 pages of requests every day. I can’t do 12 pages in a day. My concentration dwindles after 8 hours and I start to get diminishing returns and the extra time just goes to waste without accomplishing anything. I have worked on Saturdays the last several weeks and I do not see a point in the future where I catch up and no longer have to work on Saturdays. I end every day with more work ahead of me than behind me. I cannot keep up and I cannot tell them to go easy on me because these requests are coming from all over the company. No one person is doing this to me, and the many people requesting translation are completely unaware of each other. The stress is affecting my work and that is cutting me down to only being able to do 8 pages per day, which puts me further and further behind.
Today, I just broke down. I hurt my throat from yelling at nobody and nothing in particular. There are tears streaming down my face as I write this. I am still hyperventilating. I just don’t know what to do. There is nobody else who can do this kind of translation at this level in the company. But I can’t keep doing this…
Time to get another translator. Is there an HR type person you can talk to? The person who is your direct boss? Having you incapacitated due to stress sure isn’t the solution! You know how much you can do well in a day-do that and stop. You can’t be expected to deal with a 50% increase in your workload without help.
I agree with @TornPaperNapkin: this is failure on the part of your supervisor/manager.
Explain that you do not want to submit any sub-optimal work because it’s so crucial to get things perfectly correct in translation. Let the manager figure out a better channel for your workflow.
I hope you’re not also in a situation where bringing this up with the company will pose “career problems” for you. If you bring up the need for additional translators, will that be seen as failure on your part, or do the powers-that-be have a realistic understanding of what a huge load you’re carrying by yourself?
In a just world, you should be able to say “Here’s how much I can do in a day, here’s how much I have waiting to be done, it will take me ‘N’ days to do it, if it needs to be done faster we should hire ‘X’ additional people”, and have your supervisor back you up. I hope you’re in that (good) kind of situation.
Above all, please don’t let this destroy you. As @anon67050589 said, it’s not your burden to carry alone; it’s the company’s responsibility to make sure you have the resources you need to do your job as well as you possibly can.
